I’m on the verge of wracking my brains out… I have to finish off this paper for my Spiritual Formations class. Ugh… I hate being enforced (or strongly encouraged as I should say) to write a paper about what God has been teaching and revealing to me. I wish we didn’t have a time limit and we could hand this in whenever we wanted to. Oh well… I should have finished these off before I headed off to the Downpour conference. Wishful thinking I guess…
Speaking of the Downpour Conference, I just got back from Hamilton and it was a very interesting conference I should say. I had a mini-debriefing of it in the car on the way back to Toronto with Wayne and we both agreed that God’s presence was definitely felt. I personally felt revived and more assured of my faith in Him. The first night was my favourite as the topic of the sermon was on God’s Holiness (how appropriate, as I was always drawn to this message… John Piper’s influence maybe?). It’s always good to know that we are teeny tiny compared to the Holiest of Holys. I felt thankful to our Lord for knowing how much I needed a downpour in my soul, after feeling very dry these last couple of months. It has been difficult for me to advocate on missions and cross-cultural evangelism, as I’ve been lacking the passion and desire to do what He has for me to do (with all the admin work, it’s slowly eating away at my soul). I know that there are always nitty-gritties of every “job,” but with such a multi-tasking job, it’s really difficult to know what’s expected of you and what areas you should venture out to. Anywho, back to the conference, it was interesting to know how the Spirit is ONE. The speakers were all in-line with each other’s message and Wayne even pointed out that they all seem to relate as one message. It was cool, I must say…
During the day today, I was once again reminded of my own sinfulness (even though it may not be external, Satan’s greatest attack on me has been on my mind and thoughts). One specific sin was false modesty and self-helplessness. I wouldn’t have known that this should be dealt as harshly as they set this out to be, but this particular sin has been hindering me in doing some really awesome things for the Lord in the recent days. I was thinking especially of the SA coordinator position that is being handed to me (as Shannon is transitioning out of OMF) and how ultimately inadequate, useless, untalented (is this even a word?!) and utterly hopeless I’ve been feeling about this whole thing. I guess Satan has been busy at work in trying to convince me that I am helpless, allowing me to feel sorry for myself and paralyzing me from venturing out and doing something that gives God the glory (‘cause we know how much Satan hates that!!!). Writing this down really helps me to process out what I’m feeling and thinking… pretty cool :) Anywho, yeah… back to what I was saying (I always get off topic)… I uttered a prayer over and over again that God would give me more confidence, competence and the ability to serve Him wholeheartedly. Not to have confidence in myself, but in God who works in me and through me. What an amazing thing to have the Lord of Lords, King of Kings living and residing in me, a temple of God?! Too cool for words, I must say… I hope He really hears this prayer. Speaking of answered prayer, in the early stages of my involvement with OMF, I asked specifically (to God and to others to pray to God) for the gift of discernment (the ability to see things as they really are). The other day, Hyal was telling me that I seem to have temporarily possessed this gift (as I was able to point some stuff out in her life that left both her and me amazed and in awe). I was overjoyed to know that God has heard and answered in due time.
I guess, I really need to develop more confidence in God’s ability to work in and through me. More confidence in God means more confidence in me. Hope this happens pretty soon as Shannon will be leaving us pretty soon.
