Jess in Translation... or Transition... ?

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. Things have been a bit "uncertain" in the recent while and I can't seem to tell time or be able to figure out where I am sometimes, though I know exactly what's going on and I can enjoy every moment... Ahhh... I'm not making any sense!

I'll always be "figuring things out"... wondering, seeking, searching, asking, knocking... it never seems to end. I definitely think this is a good thing :) As humans, we should never get to the point in our lives where we "have everything all figured out" and all our ducks are lined neatly in a row. It's all an illusion. We were never made to know and be in control of everything. Why is it that we all have this tendency to want and desire control? Well... not really all the time. I go through these moments where I want full control (even of my family situation, my friends, loved ones, ministry, future, etc.), but then I think to myself, "this is so silly... what the heck am I doing?!" and I come to my senses (or shall I say His grace allows me to come to a realization?) and admit that, though my natural tendencies are to want control, I am not in control, because God is. Every day is filled with unknowns.

I have submitted my application for Teacher's College and though I don't KNOW for sure whether this is part of His Will or not... I know that it's not wrong to make plans (ie. "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps") or venture out, even when you're not completely sure? I don't know anything anymore. It really freaks me out when I think about whether or not I'm making the RIGHT decisions, and more importantly, following after what He wants. Nevertheless, I was really comforted by this verse in Proverbs 16:9... I'll hear back in April whether or not I will start school (once again) in September. I did my best in getting those applications done... the rest is in His hands.

Since teaching is such an awesome skill to have when going overseas and with the summers off, there are so many options as to how this will come to use in the mission field. I leave it at that and I move on... flexibility is key. With this 2006 ending and a new year beginning, there are lots of wrapping up and looking ahead... planning, strategizing, intentionally seeking, managing, and the list goes on...

How will next year look? Who really knows (except our Lord)... all I know is that I cannot imagine being in any other place other than in the center of His will. As I move according to His Spirit's leading, may I be intentional in how my time is being spent (as we can spend our time in all sorts of ways!) to further His work, how relationships will develop (or not...), how ministry will look (divided up?)... Wayne told me yesterday that before anything else, our time spent with God should never be compromised. With all the demands involved when officially doing "ministry" (as Christians, we're all involved in "ministry" to some capacity), it's easy to get caught up on all the "stuff." We can never EVER forget the life-sustainer, the life-giver, the LIFE.

J

Took a walk in the brisk fall/winter mid-day... I needed a break away from the desk (looking at a computer screen all day!). While walking to the corner store to grab a quick bite to eat, I needed to just get some stuff off my chest and converse with God about some of the things that I've been anxious about. It's been a while since we last talked (even though I pray about other people, I don't seem to pray about myself apparently) and it was kind of good to ask for some things. I always feel bad about asking God for things that seem so small and unimportant, but I'm always reminded that God cares for the little things just as much as the big things (is there a Bible verse to back this up?). I prayed for one specific thing today... I know and trust that He'll answer in His timing =)

When you ponder about the situation in North Korea, what comes to your head? We all hear about the nuclear crisis (or non-crisis) going on and the millions who go hungry every day... North Korea seems so far away, almost unreal, unconnected with the rest of the world that we live and engage in... We know about the plight and the poverty, but do we really believe that that's what's REALLY happening? At least I don't sometimes...

I imagine myself (being Korean and all) being born in North Korea... I can't even fathom what life would've been like, growing up and living there. Being forced to learn "Kim Il Sung"-ism and not being able to read the Bible... We heard in yesterday's sermon to not neglect the Word ("Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God"). It's funnny how in our North American context, we need to hear this kind of preaching when in another part of the world, they're not able to "neglect the Word," because they're not allowed to read the Word! I know that every context is different (contextual ministry), but living here in this affluent/accessible nation, we take for granted what others are dying (literally) to have... Bread, yes. Word, definitely yes. How is it that we're here when they're there? I know that it's all in God's Will (and I totally trust that), but it just doesn't seem fair that we can live here, when others are suffering for the sake of the Gospel... I know, I know. We suffer persecution here too, and I'm very much aware of that (and have experienced it too to some extent)... but it just doesn't seem fair.

I have never been to NK ever, so I have no field experience to even write these comments down... but hearing, reading and listening to the reports from those that DID enter the "most secretive nation in the world," it seems that these horrendous stories that we hear (of people starving to death... even to the point of eating their own kids!!!) is, on the most part, true.

For those of us that are not CALLED to go just yet (not unless the country opens), we can "GO" by praying and interceding for our brothers and sisters dying every day for the sake of Christ our Saviour and Lord. I cry while writing this, because God moves my heart each day for the people crying out to Him to save them from the suffering and anguish that they are experiencing each day; every hour; every minute.

Watch this: North Korea Prayer Focus Click "3 MB Download"

J

Headache...

This headache just doesn't seem to be going away... whatever I do (rest, sleep, tylenol 2 extra strength, fresh air). Help!

Oswald's Thought...

The great enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but the good which is not good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best.

J

Pic from my time at Providence College...

I met one Korean girl, Glorina at Providence College when I was there two weeks ago and this is a pic from my dorm room in the outskirts of Winnipeg... I'll see you, Glorina at Urbana!!!