Wandering Mind

Do you ever have those days where you drive yourself crazy with all the thoughts running through your mind? Last week, I was deathly sick with some sort of flu or something... Since I really can't stand going to the doctors, I stayed home... in bed and snuggled up for two days... unable to get out from my lovely IKEA sheets. It was brutal. I was too weak to stand. I was too weak to read. I was too weak even to watch TV (it was giving me the worst headache in the world!). I definitely felt blue...

Anyways, while in bed, I was left alone with my wandering brain (which is usually filled with randomness and stupid details). Why is it that my mind is always filled with soooooo much?! I don't think I ever used to think so much in my life, but these days, it's been captivating my life and controlling me... making me unable to function properly.

thinking of all the short-term workers we're sending out this year... thinking of all the support I need to raise... thinking of the Indonesian placement details... thinking of Steph's wedding... thinking about our youth at church... thinking about what church to attend from now on...thinking of NK children... thinking of James Lonely... thinking of the Missionfest that was coming up... thinking about what to do in the upcoming years... thinking of all my friends that I don't keep in touch with anymore... thinking of people in my life now... thinking of my parent's business... thinking of Steph getting married... thinking of me never getting married (he he)... thinking of the presentation I had for school... thinking of the UNHCR efforts for NK refugees... So much going on in my head!

All of these burdens were weighing me down and causing me to feel heavy. It was really good to meet with my Spiritual Director today. She's been such a great listener and facilitator, forcing me to be still and silent before God. Anyways, today's session was really cool and interesting. Let's just say there were some random objects involved: army green backpack, light grey stones, etc. I don't think one day and one session will change the external situation... however, my perspective on things can change (and will change); which helps immensely.

Some of my friends were telling me over dinner one day (you know who you are) that I have become somewhat of a Calvinist (whatever that means anymore). I have now gone to the other end of the extreme... Today, my SD reminded me that though God knows all and is all, He waits for us to ask Him. He waits patiently for us to respond to Him. He never forces us, but waits ... It's so simple, yet why do I forget it this so much? I feel like an idiot sometimes, because I seem to learn the same things over and over again...

Hmmm.... perhaps I've been too passive in the recent days... thinking that God is going to do everything, because He already knows everything that is going on and is going to happen.

Ugh! I'm annoying myself (I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!)...

... Anyways
J