jesstrong

2007-08-29T23:49:00.000-04:00

My b-day this year was fairly low-key... celebrating with some close girlfriends, enjoying some delish food, sipping yummy red wine, enjoying awesome patio weather, walking/browsing on main street and being involved in great conversation(s)... I felt blessed and loved =) It was a great birthday, despite the addition of candles on the cake =( Here are some lovely pics from August 11...

the girls at my 27th b-day...

hyal, ye-ah & ange...

blowing out the candles of the cake...

hannah laughing...

julie, ye-ah, sara...

Unforgettable Summer...

2007-08-18T16:25:00.000-04:00

I feel like I'm one-step-behind sometimes...especially when I think of my time in Yanji. The people that I met, the conversations that I had, the things that I saw/touched/smelled/heard/felt and the Person behind it all... it's been a truly amazing summer, but definitely one that has an on-going impact to say the least...

August has been a month of debriefing... reflecting and thinking about all the things that He's shown and taught me. I've journalled a bit and wrote down some things that were significant, but I feel as though it does so little to really fully describe all that was experienced. We can never do real justice... Anyways, I feel as though I'm really making sense of all that we saw just now as we're back "home." Here are 8 significant points that stuck out particularly to me during my time in NE China:

The worship time at the REAH retreat… feeling broken and convicted to work more closely with REAH Toronto, possibly as a coordinator of prayer gatherings. This was affirmed more at the Empower Conference, the REAH retreat in NE China and also on the airplane on our way back to Toronto in my conversation with Dan Chung.

The e-mail from Wayne/Hyal that I received while in Yanji...

Thought about two people specifically: SD and EC… that somehow I would be used in their lives

Praise/Worship time on top of the hill in Tumen with John & Karen… thought about Jonah 3 (Jonah looking down from the east side of city to Nineveh). It was good to sing “In His Time” …

The last night at Sunny’s… the prayer time, as well as Sunny’s reading of scripture was most uplifting. When she prayed for me, she was thanking God for my heart and being able to be used to bring people to NE China this summer. She read Jeremiah 29:11-13.

The ‘thank-you’ card from Yoori… encouraging me to read the WORD. She also saw servant leadership in me w/o judgement and I felt really encouraged by her comments.

Meeting the talbukja (YJ) and she was the same age as Ye-ah (July 3, 1983 was her birthday)… it was a truly an awesome encounter...

Talk with Dan in the airplane about forming a consistent prayer group for NK in Toronto. Focusing on m’s and their specific prayer requests… ***follow-up needed***

In His time... In His time... He makes all things beautiful in His
time... Lord please show me everyday... as you're teaching me your ways... that you do just what you say... In your time!

Rest...

2007-06-13T15:52:00.000-04:00

I'm so very thankful for this time of rest for this month. Starting off this month, I've been reading Psalm 23 (ironic how Mark pointed this passage out to me whilst in Chicago) and meditating on green pastures and quiet waters... sounds beautiful and nice doesn't it?! Right now, however, is the busiest time in the Serve Asia Department what with all the short-termers going out this year... please keep Mel and Will in your prayers! Though it hasn't been too productive, thus far, I have been able to do a lot more in preparing for NE China. Went to the doctors and got my regular check-up (I may have inactive TB... which is not nice... not nice at all), visa applications, flights, etc. Went to the OMF picnic on June 7th and had the usual "farewell" and all that... cutting of the cake and prayers. Future is still uncertain, but I guess that's the fun of it all...

I realized that I really need this time to rest and restoration of my soul (psalm 23 again!). Difficult to go on to the "next thing" when you feel tired/weary and burdened. I'm so thankful to have this time... really and truly =D

If I wasn't a believer, I don't know how I would cope with all the uncertainty! In relationships, work, church, missions and life in general... He is in control. Nice to be reminded that we are at His mercy and though it's easy to feel overly confident or overly defeated... He rebukes, forgives, restores and uses us. I'm so very flawed and weak... I fall time and time again (why?!!!!)... and though I have "hidden your word in my heart"... why is it that I fall into sin? I guess being aware of Sin and sins and the knowledge of this very fact is from His grace as well? ECK...

Saturday @ Empower 2007

2007-05-26T23:17:00.000-04:00

Woke up at 5:59am (had my alarm set for 6am), took a shower and headed to the main auditorium for the morning prayer time in the perfect Korean fashion. The speaker shared on 2 Corinthians... can't remember the chapter, but it was about not losing heart in ministry... we had some time to share with others about prayer items and spent some time in prayer. Headed off to breakfast (yummy pancakes, eggs and fruit) and sat with Hyoung, Jason and Heidi. Hyoung is a medical doctor from North York General... humble servant of God; Jason works for Samsung (I know someone who works there!) and Heidi, who is married to one of the Lintons. The L family have a long missionary history in Korea and her husband is a third generation American-Korean... As she shared with us at the breakfast table about some of the things that she's seen while in NK, her eyes teared up as she shared people's stories.

Missed the seminar track to take a needed nap ;) and then trekked to the auditorium again to listen to CK, a worker who runs a goat-milk business inside NK. Shared about the need to be neighbours to NKoreans, more so than a visitor. His stories about the "everyday NKoreans" were both humourous and heart-breaking. Heard from a friend that CK and his wife doesn't teach their kids written Korean (but they can understand verbal Korean) to avoid reading the overt propaganda around them! What a different world it is...

Okay... gotta go... I think Elisa wants me to get off the computer and stop typing so that we can "debrief" a bit and pray together for some personal things going on in our lives. It's been good to have Elisa here with me in Chicago to talk and joke with. She's on the verge of burning out and I'm nearly there...

ttyl =)

Friday @ Empower 2007

2007-05-26T00:31:00.000-04:00

Okay... so we left for Chicago this morning bright and early (5am!) and the six of us (Ed, Alisa, Elisa, Sun Ae and Julie) trekked our way through endless highways, stopping at McDonald's and Steak and Shake... made it to Wheaton College by 3pm to check-in to the Empower Conference. The campus is really beautiful, with classic architecture and lovely gardens. The big sign at the front of the campus reads, "Wheaton College: For Christ and His Kingdom." The haven that hosted some famous Christian leaders such as Billy Graham and John Piper... we got to take in the beauty of God's great provision... at least for this weekend ;)

Lining up to check-in, an older lady with a backpack that read "Made in Korea" looked over at me and smiled. We chatted briefly and she asked me where I came from and I said "Toronto"... she said that she was with the same company as BOP and low and behold... I was standing behind Car of Corea! It was finally good to meet her in person and though we didn't get to talk very long after that, we were both glad to meet each other after some e-mail correspondance that we had back and forth. I also saw some other O-ers. It was great to see others that I recognized from various random encounters. Though it was a bit hectic settling in... I knew I was in the right place at the right time... and I felt RIGHT.

Ate some dinner before heading off to our first Plenary Meeting that started off with some music and dance (Korean Traditional Dance) with drums and fans. It was absolutely amazing... they were so talented! Then we watched a clip that focused on the 1907 Revival in Pyong Yang, but interestingly enough, they backtracked back to 1903 to show how the prayer gathering of two Godly women... may have sparked the Great Revival of 1907. That was the focus for this Friday evening... PRAYER. Waiting upon God in expectancy. Praying and waiting... The speaker that came up to share with us from the Word was Dr. Moffett, whose father was there to see that revival take place in PY. Moffett senior was stoned by a NKorean man and after like 10 years, this same NKorean man was commissioned out by the early church to be their first missionary. The person that prayed for this man ended up being Moffett senior! What an amazing story and testimony of how God changes lives! Tonight was an awesome time of hearing from different speakers (Dr. Moffett, Jamie Kim, Yong Kim, Tom Lee and Diane Hallkowich)... but more importantly, it really felt like God was speaking to me. All of the things that I've been praying and thinking about in the last couple of weeks and months seemed to re-iterate itself tonight. Praying and waiting... revival... being broken... yielded... purity... all of these words just seem to stick out to me in a special way. Can't wait for tomorrow... can't wait for what He will show me (us) during this time... in His time!

HOT!

2007-05-24T16:02:00.001-04:00

Really hot and sunny in the T.O. There seems to be lots of activity going on in the city, but I'll be away in the windy city this weekend. We're set to leave here at like 5am! and driving down to Chicago for the Empower 2007 conference. It'll be an interesting weekend indeed and I'm quite excited to see and be a part of 500 others with a heart for NK... or those that will develop a heart after this conference is over =)

We have an international student from South Korea staying at our house until May 28th and Sara and I had a good time at Vaughan Mills Mall showing her around... we had some delish candy apples (yum!) and headed back home last night to some really amazing Korean BBQ in our backyard. With the weather being nice (finally!), it was good to eat out on the patio and feel the breeze while chewing away on some Korean grub. Great to chat with the two girls (another international student came by for dinner as well) and learn about some of the hardships they felt while living away from home...

Car-pooled with Will Lee this morning (as usual) and as we were driving on the 401, I remembered my dream from last night! It was definitely a weird yet a bit funny... don't know what it means just yet, but it was weird. I don't usually remember my dreams, but this time I woke up pretty disoriented, because it felt so real.

Wheaton College... here we come!

May Update

2007-05-11T19:41:00.000-04:00

May has been a time of remembering and reflecting back on the past 2 and a half years of life/ministry/work. My Spiritual Director (she's been a real blessing in my life) encouraged me to write up a "call to rememberance" on the ways that God has worked in and through my life. It's been quite interesting to see some of the things that I've seen and experienced, as well as items that remained constant throughout my time of ministry at OMF. Looking through my journals, my blog entries and other stuff to help me reflect... I have been able to see and remember...

The word that keeps popping up over and over again this month... in Scripture, in lyrics, in TV shows (Heroes!)... is the word HOPE. Seems like such an abstract concept and still struggling to really figure out what the word really means. I guess "hope" is waiting patiently for something... something really good... something really great. It's not just waiting for the mere sake of it, but waiting in expectancy. Just to update everyone... Teacher's College is a "no-go" this year. I do feel as though this is a real answer to prayer (see previous entry). Though I can re-apply next year, I know that this is how things are supposed to go... Though I felt a bit bummed and discouraged, Rob & Clara encouraged me with wee e-mail that reads, "we are still hoping for Teacher’s College. If that doesn’t work it just means God has something much better for you." I patiently wait in expectancy (HOPE) for something really great to come... whatever that may be...

Empower 2007 conference in Chicago should be really interesting. The theme of this NK focus conference is "remembering the past; committing the future." How appropriate for this time in history (for NK that is), as well as in my own life?!!! It'll be really interesting to see what kinds of people I'll meet, the things that I'll learn and the ways that I can get involved. If you're reading this (well... obviously you are!), please pray for me. Pray that I will be able to "remember the past and commit the future." Pray that He will show me things that He wants me to see and areas where He wants me to be involved. Pray that these will be tangible and specific things... not just abstract and lofty ideas.

Re-gaining Energy and More!

2007-03-20T16:16:00.000-04:00

I've slowly been re-gaining some energy these days... being sick is definitely not fun, but it does "force" you to rest, which is always needed for me ;) It's been good to be a bit more busy and have things going on again... though I never want to move away from those restful/quiet moments contemplating and so forth...

The word that seems to keep popping up these days has been the word, "REVIVAL." Everytime I hear the word, something in me says, "mmmmm...." Why is that? I think all of us need some form/type of revival in our lives... whether it be corporate or personal... we all need to be revived in a lot of ways, in different areas of our lives. It does not mean a highly emotional hysteria where people work themselves into a frenzy and do senseless things which bring discredit to the Lord's name. Revival is a time when Christians are restored to their first love for Christ, when sham and hypocrites are exposed, when bitterness and strife which exist in the body of Christ as revealed and when such changes are effected in the lives of Christians that sinners are brought to Christ in great numbers. There are struggles and deep emotions stirred in the process of returning to our first love.

Re-kindle the love... Re-kindle the flame...Re-kindle the passion for your name!

Bring revival God... first within myself and then to your church... We need you more than ever and it is our deepest desire to know and serve you =)

J

Sick...

2007-03-05T10:05:00.000-05:00

I have never been so sick in a long time... Since Friday night (after Missionfest Toronto), I've been "under the weather" with headaches, nausea, runny nose... the whole works. It's so not fun being sick. I can't concentrate, think, function properly... it's so limiting! I guess it's a good thing, because just before I got sick, I was complaining to my sister how much there is to think about and feeling a bit overwhelmed at all the changes going on in my life. Maybe this is a good time for me to lay low and not be as active and involved as before...

Even still... I hate being sick =(

2007-02-20T12:49:00.000-05:00

Foundation Room was so cool... Teppas were yummy and the company even yummier...

Happy b-day mindu! luv u...

Flood in Jakarta...

2007-02-06T13:01:00.000-05:00

While running/sweating on the treadmills yesterday, I noticed on T.V. a very familiar scene/picture on the screen before me. It showed people scrounging for food, looking for shelter and wading to the nearest surface to get out of the 'up-to-the-roof' level of flood water in Jakarta, Indonesia. I heard news this morning about the OMF Guest Home in Jakarta (the place where I stayed during July 2006) flooded and missionaries being evacuated. Though many OMFers have enough food supplies, many (and I mean MANY) do not have such luxuries and are starving. I hear this news and my heart cries. Even more real, because I've been there... seen the people and have prayed for them as we walked around the busy streets of Jakarta.

I've been focused so much on myself and where my life is heading lately that I forgot about how real the rest of the world is around you. Though I can never get away from foreign affairs/world events, I like to be balanced... glocal thinker! Hope Farell is okay... (Note: As you can see, there's a lot of stuff on my mind... I'm not coherent and I'm not making much sense... which is a sign that I'm in transition).

Funny... when you focus on yourself, sin/temptation/deviance/wavering/anxiousness gets so much greater. It is only when we focus on God can we have victory over human sin, temptation, deviance, wavering and peace.

Lord, thank you once again for your grace and mercy in my life. Whenever I fall, you pick me up. Whenever I feel defeated, you encourage me... Lord, why would you have such mercy for a sinner like me? I cannot understand and/or fathom... all I know is that you are Good and your Love endures forever... God, I praise you for your grace and love in and for my life.

2007-02-02T12:09:00.000-05:00

I've joined a gym. Yes... finally... The flab will disappear and I will be healthier, leaner, toned and ready to (*hopefully*) attempt to run the 10K this upcoming summer. Even if I don't end up running the 10K, getting ready to run it would be a good enough goal for me =)

This past Tuesday, I met up with Sarah who took me to Bally's (where her brother works as a personal trainer/sales, etc.). He let us know about a great deal and I made an appointment with him the following day to sign my name on the dotted line for a one-year membership at Bally's. Sarah and I then headed to have dinner (yummy Thai!) and we chatted about various things that are happening in our lives. Sarah is getting ready to depart for two years to NE China/NK and we were rejoicing together that she is finally departing (March 3 is the departure date!) to do what God is calling her to do... so very exciting and it's always a joy to be a part of her life. As I was driving her to her house, I started to share with her about some of the things in my life (never really shared that much with her in the past... I even surprised myself) and she told me to come in for some tea to chat more and pray together. Man... I totally unloaded. Feeling pretty vunerable and exposed, I was a bit embarrassed, but I knew that I can trust her and it was good to talk things out with a trusted friend. Expectations, ministry challenges, joys, frustrations, personal life, public life, more expectations, parents, relationships, busyness, etc. was all part of the "unloading portion" and as much as it was good for me to let things out a bit, I think it was good for her to hear it as well (win win situation... symbiosis).

Wednesday, after another day at the office, I headed to Bally's to sign up. Steven really hooked us up and though we were there to mainly "get in shape," I thought to myself that there may be another purpose of coming to Bally's to work-out... As I've shared with some/many in the recent while, I've been craving the need to meet non-Believers. Working in a 'Christian bubble,' it's been a real challenge to meet non-Christians, so everytime I have the opportunity to venture out to the 'real world' (ha ha), I totally enjoy it. Even though I don't want to be too open, if He opens up opportunties for me to share my faith and allow myself to be used by Him... I want to be there. There are times when I wish I could be at three different places at the same time (if only I had the Hermione clock!), but God is Omnipotent and He covers all the bases that He wants to cover... Hard to know when I should act and when I should hold back... delicate balance indeed! Actually, wednesday was a good/bad day... funny to know that our bodies are a temple (the Holy Spirit resides within us!)... man... I need to treat my body well. Easier said than done in all aspects!

By the way, I forgot to mention on previous blog posts, but I had my interview with York University last Saturday. Can't really assess how it went (I definitely didn't know the "how's"). One of the interviewees was the current principal at Earl Haig and the other a teacher in a York Region school. Though I seemed to bond with the teacher, the principal was a bit more confrontational, asking the "how will you implement these ideas?" questions... I wish I had prepared more, but what's done is done and I just have to leave the rest in His hands. We do our part and the rest is history! Whatever the outcome, I'm thankful for being able to go through the whole process and as Robert was telling me, the process can be even more important than the outcome. We'll see in early April what the outcome will be!

Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to apply and go through this process. Though I do want to get in, there are times where I become fearful of what teaching will involve and how difficult teaching high school may be. I am not sure whether I would be a good teacher and sometimes I doubt my abilities/skills in being an effective teacher/learner. However, if this is the way that you want me to walk through, please open this door. On the flip side, if this is not what you want for my life at this time, please close this door. I don't want the extra option to choose from, so if this is not your will for me at this point in time, please shut the door. You have gifted me in many areas (made me a generalist!) and I wish to honour you with the gifts that you have bestowed upon me... please use me for your kingdom! Examine my motives and help me to choose the BEST way. Thank you Lord once again for having mercy on me and though I sin against you, thank you for giving me a second chance. Thank you for Jesus dying on the cross for my past/present/future Sin and sin(s). In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Thursday, I went to work-out... it was a great time! Except for the little mishap on the treadmill, it was a good to get started... Hopefully, it'll continue :O Don't ask... it was pretty embarrassing.

J

iPod, Urbana and More!

2007-01-16T16:14:00.000-05:00

Whoah... it's been a while since I've updated this blog. It's been a crazy winter (thus far) and lots of activity since... not just in my own life, but in the lives of others around me. What a joy and a privilege to be a part of people's lives and to see the way He is working in them!!! A beautiful sight indeed =)

Christmas 2006 was a hectic time. With church activities, social gatherings, meeting up with people and family time, it's been a whirl-wind of stuff... Our church has been really into euchre/mafia/monopoly these days and though it's a really great time of getting to know people at Faith church (you can always find out how people "really are" by playing competitive games with them!). Man... so much fun... and I love how everyone gets so into the games! It makes it much more intense and fun (muahahahaha).

In terms of family, it was the first Christmas without Steph :( She's with Dennis now... :0 ... anyways, we did meet up a lot, but with our seemingly busy schedules, it's been pretty difficult to meet up as often as we'd like. For our family Kris Kringle thingy/tradition that we have every year, we ended up meeting at our parent's cafe and celebrating the fesitivities there (Sara and I missed another euchre night... but priority is priority!). Since everyone knew who had who (this happens every year too!), I knew that Mike had me and I hinted to Jenn who ended up telling Mike that I wanted a gift certificate to go towards my iPod fund... I know... I'm so selfish and particular, but I just didn't really need anything else this year and if I was going to get a gift, I wanted it to go towards something that I'll actually use. Since my mp3 player (that I got for free by the way from Shannon) can only fit 15 songs, I thought it would be good to have an iPod for an investment. Anyways, Mike got me the gift certificate and Wayne pitched in for the rest... I got my first video iPod!!! yay!!! It's so awesome I sleep beside it every night (ahhhh! idolatry idolatry!). Anyways, that's the iPod story and anyone who wants to watch an episode of Heros can look at it on my mini portable screen =D

Dec. 26th, I headed to Pearson to load Air Canada Jazz to get to Urbana... Even though I got there an hour and a half earlier than my departure time (90 minutes earlier for North American flights), I missed my flight. Don't ask... I got stuck waiting in line at US customs and missed it by 15 minutes... They put me on stand-by the next morning (thank God I made that flight!) and I got to St. Louis by early afternoon on the 27th. Overall, it was good to be at Urbana 2006 =D Met lots of great people and had great conversations... it was a privilege to pray with and for them :) The seminar that I gave was good and it felt really amazing to be used by Him. With the over 120 contacts to be followed-up, it'll be pretty busy in the next little while. When I asked Sara what she thought of the whole Urbana hoopla, she said... "I didn't realize the urgency of missions until now." Neat to see changes in my little sister and the way that God is becoming more and more real in her life =D My parents are a bit worried that she might turn out like me!!! Hmm... if I'm becoming more like Jesus (ie. sanctification) and sara is becoming more like me... would Sara be becoming more like Jesus too? This sounds like a pretty controversial statement (definitely an arrogant one!), but somehow... weirdly enough, it makes sense to me. Anyone agree?

(sorry to end a post with a question)

2006-12-22T16:16:00.000-05:00

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who does actually try to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though chequered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt, speech before the Hamilton Club, Chicago (April 10, 1899), Swindoll, Hand Me Another Brick, p. 79

2006-12-12T14:22:00.000-05:00

He is ever so merciful... even when we're not behaving in the best manner. I got a total wake-up call this week. Someone called me to rebuke me (or point out something) on a certain action from my part and when I first was called on it... I was pretty peeved. I couldn't sleep and thought about it all day long, not wanting to admit to my mistake... trying to find ways to justify myself (and I totally could too!) and concocting every possibly way to avoid the situation and deal with it. Why is it so difficult to admit that we're wrong? My pride always gets the better of me and I never want to own up to my mistakes (no matter how small they are). I thought of all sorts of ways to point out how unjustly I was being treated when I realized that I can't go on feeling bitter and proud all the time...

"The goal of this command [the Law] is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." 1 Timothy 1:5

How difficult it is to have a 1) pure heart; 2) good conscience and a 3) sincere faith? Since my conscience wasn't leaving me alone (and we know where this comes from!), I was finally able to admit to myself and to the other person that I was at fault and that I should really be careful in the way I behave and talk around others. As a leader (not by choice, but by His choosing), I really need to be ever-more careful, especially in the public eye. Although I don't consider myself a "leader," I do recognize that I am a person of influence, so there has to be constant reminders from those that truly love and care for me to rebuke me when I'm becoming way-ward. This whole experience has been really great. I was able to re-focus and to spend some time really praying... Felt really refreshed and re-energized...

Thank you Lord for giving me this wake-up call and for allowing others to bring me closer to You. I pray that you would help me to devote more quiet moments with you (personal time)... forgive me for becoming way-ward and distracted. Help me to re-focus on You. Thank you for all the ministry-opportunities that you bring my way, but protect me from becoming too busy to spend time with the most important person... You!

Jess

Concert of Prayer for NK!

2006-12-08T14:48:00.000-05:00

If anyone is free tonight (there's always tonnes of stuff going on T.O!), do come out to this:

Concert of Prayer and Free Screening of Seoul Train
Friday December 8, 2006 from 7-10pm
Mosaic Community Fellowship (TKPC)
67 Scarsdale Road
North York, Ontario
M3B 2R2

It's sooooooooooo cool to see how God is working....!

J

Jess in Translation... or Transition... ?

2006-11-30T14:45:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. Things have been a bit "uncertain" in the recent while and I can't seem to tell time or be able to figure out where I am sometimes, though I know exactly what's going on and I can enjoy every moment... Ahhh... I'm not making any sense!

I'll always be "figuring things out"... wondering, seeking, searching, asking, knocking... it never seems to end. I definitely think this is a good thing :) As humans, we should never get to the point in our lives where we "have everything all figured out" and all our ducks are lined neatly in a row. It's all an illusion. We were never made to know and be in control of everything. Why is it that we all have this tendency to want and desire control? Well... not really all the time. I go through these moments where I want full control (even of my family situation, my friends, loved ones, ministry, future, etc.), but then I think to myself, "this is so silly... what the heck am I doing?!" and I come to my senses (or shall I say His grace allows me to come to a realization?) and admit that, though my natural tendencies are to want control, I am not in control, because God is. Every day is filled with unknowns.

I have submitted my application for Teacher's College and though I don't KNOW for sure whether this is part of His Will or not... I know that it's not wrong to make plans (ie. "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps") or venture out, even when you're not completely sure? I don't know anything anymore. It really freaks me out when I think about whether or not I'm making the RIGHT decisions, and more importantly, following after what He wants. Nevertheless, I was really comforted by this verse in Proverbs 16:9... I'll hear back in April whether or not I will start school (once again) in September. I did my best in getting those applications done... the rest is in His hands.

Since teaching is such an awesome skill to have when going overseas and with the summers off, there are so many options as to how this will come to use in the mission field. I leave it at that and I move on... flexibility is key. With this 2006 ending and a new year beginning, there are lots of wrapping up and looking ahead... planning, strategizing, intentionally seeking, managing, and the list goes on...

How will next year look? Who really knows (except our Lord)... all I know is that I cannot imagine being in any other place other than in the center of His will. As I move according to His Spirit's leading, may I be intentional in how my time is being spent (as we can spend our time in all sorts of ways!) to further His work, how relationships will develop (or not...), how ministry will look (divided up?)... Wayne told me yesterday that before anything else, our time spent with God should never be compromised. With all the demands involved when officially doing "ministry" (as Christians, we're all involved in "ministry" to some capacity), it's easy to get caught up on all the "stuff." We can never EVER forget the life-sustainer, the life-giver, the LIFE.

J

2006-11-21T15:40:00.000-05:00

Took a walk in the brisk fall/winter mid-day... I needed a break away from the desk (looking at a computer screen all day!). While walking to the corner store to grab a quick bite to eat, I needed to just get some stuff off my chest and converse with God about some of the things that I've been anxious about. It's been a while since we last talked (even though I pray about other people, I don't seem to pray about myself apparently) and it was kind of good to ask for some things. I always feel bad about asking God for things that seem so small and unimportant, but I'm always reminded that God cares for the little things just as much as the big things (is there a Bible verse to back this up?). I prayed for one specific thing today... I know and trust that He'll answer in His timing =)

2006-11-20T15:25:00.000-05:00

When you ponder about the situation in North Korea, what comes to your head? We all hear about the nuclear crisis (or non-crisis) going on and the millions who go hungry every day... North Korea seems so far away, almost unreal, unconnected with the rest of the world that we live and engage in... We know about the plight and the poverty, but do we really believe that that's what's REALLY happening? At least I don't sometimes...

I imagine myself (being Korean and all) being born in North Korea... I can't even fathom what life would've been like, growing up and living there. Being forced to learn "Kim Il Sung"-ism and not being able to read the Bible... We heard in yesterday's sermon to not neglect the Word ("Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God"). It's funnny how in our North American context, we need to hear this kind of preaching when in another part of the world, they're not able to "neglect the Word," because they're not allowed to read the Word! I know that every context is different (contextual ministry), but living here in this affluent/accessible nation, we take for granted what others are dying (literally) to have... Bread, yes. Word, definitely yes. How is it that we're here when they're there? I know that it's all in God's Will (and I totally trust that), but it just doesn't seem fair that we can live here, when others are suffering for the sake of the Gospel... I know, I know. We suffer persecution here too, and I'm very much aware of that (and have experienced it too to some extent)... but it just doesn't seem fair.

I have never been to NK ever, so I have no field experience to even write these comments down... but hearing, reading and listening to the reports from those that DID enter the "most secretive nation in the world," it seems that these horrendous stories that we hear (of people starving to death... even to the point of eating their own kids!!!) is, on the most part, true.

For those of us that are not CALLED to go just yet (not unless the country opens), we can "GO" by praying and interceding for our brothers and sisters dying every day for the sake of Christ our Saviour and Lord. I cry while writing this, because God moves my heart each day for the people crying out to Him to save them from the suffering and anguish that they are experiencing each day; every hour; every minute.

Watch this: North Korea Prayer Focus Click "3 MB Download"

J

Headache...

2006-11-13T11:49:00.000-05:00

This headache just doesn't seem to be going away... whatever I do (rest, sleep, tylenol 2 extra strength, fresh air). Help!

Oswald's Thought...

2006-11-11T12:56:00.000-05:00

The great enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but the good which is not good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best.

J

Pic from my time at Providence College...

2006-11-09T10:59:00.000-05:00

I met one Korean girl, Glorina at Providence College when I was there two weeks ago and this is a pic from my dorm room in the outskirts of Winnipeg... I'll see you, Glorina at Urbana!!!

Providence College

2006-10-27T13:55:00.000-04:00

It's Friday and I'm sitting in the computer lab at Providence College typing away and getting ready to go back to the displays. It's been an interesting time at Providence here in Winnipeg... the students are so nice, facilities, food, etc. have been great. I just finished off my second seminar entitled, "When Mom & Dad Say No" and though the numbers at the workshop have been disappointing (on average 10 people), I hope the students that were sitting there were challenged and encouraged. It wasn't one of those "hype-you-up" seminars (the YWAM ones were especially popular), but a very practical and meaningful one... hopefully this will be more relevant at Urbana (coming up at the end of this year). Nevertheless, it was good to do a "dry run" and go through some of the logistics of the topic. I've already gotten some interesting remarks from people about their journeys in letting their kids or even letting their parents go on missions full-time. I always find people's stories so interesting to listen to, especially when you see God's hand in their lives =)

It's always really interesting to be at a Bible College and meet people who grew up in the church and knowing the Word...

Anywho, more reflections later... see ya!

Jess

Item for your prayers...

2006-10-24T17:31:00.000-04:00

For those that want to pray, here's an item to keep in your prayers: I will be heading to Winnipeg for a Missions Conference at Providence College tomorrow (Wednesday morning) to talk with students about the potential and possibilities for overseas missions. Please pray for the following:

1) I will be leading two workshops (Thursday @ 3pm and Friday @ 1pm) entitled, "When Mom and Dad say No." Pray that the students who are wrestling with God's call to His mission would obey His call, while seeking to honour their parents (I'm going through similar things myself)

2) Good interactions with the students!

3) There would be a stronger interest in reaching the lost in East Asia and beyond!

Thanks so much for your prayers!

Jess

Saturday October 21, 2006

2006-10-24T17:07:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was full of activity... Steph is finally married! Wow... I can't believe the year-long planning for one day is finally over... I must say, it was a beautiful wedding. Here are some pics from the lovely day:

Welcome to the family Dennis!

Four Weddings and a Funeral...

2006-10-02T15:55:00.000-04:00

I'm now pretty "weddinged out" and my sister's wedding hasn't even happened yet. I've gone to many weddings this year (not as many as some people) and I could already forsee going to more in the near future. So far this year, it's been Chamie; Pynthia; Lawnnie and Janry. It's pretty cool to see people (especially if you know both people) tying the knot and getting ready to spend their lives together... Very cool... I mention funeral in the blog title, because I found the place to relax, exercise and quiet my wandering brain. There is a cemetary right near our place and it's been such a refuge for me (I know... how morbid!). I remember praying while I was in Indonesia that I would find a place of real solitude (because I can't seem to find a good alone place lately!) and God has really granted me that place and so I'm grateful. Sara introduced it to me and I've been going there to lightly jog and clear my head when I'm feeling overwhelmed...

This past Saturday, I went up to Hyal's parent's prayer house up near Oshawa and I really spent some time in intentional prayer and some alone time with God. I went there with the intent of seeking some clear direction and guidance; but rather than finding an ephinany-like answer, I spent much of my day thanking God on all that He has done, is doing and will continue to do... This is interesting to read as we see in Philippines 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." I bolded and emphasize "with thanksgiving" for a reason I guess... Funny how the actual holiday is coming up as well... Before requesting to the Lord about the direction for the "next steps," there must first be an attitude of thanksgiving. Pray that I will have this attitude of thanksgiving =)

To be honest, I do get anxious and worried many times. I lie in bed at nights thinking and pondering about all the needs there are in this world (my mom always says that I carry the whole world's burdens on my shoulders!) that I sometimes can't focus and sleep at nights. However, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." It's good to share in people's burdens (as Bonhoeffer would agree), but we should never feel so burdened that we take matters into our hands. There is such grace and freedom when we give our burdens unto Jesus. We may need to act (as the Lord convicts us to), but we won't be acting out of our own doing, but out of the Lord's leading.

J

The Amazing Whiteboard!

2006-09-22T16:33:00.000-04:00

I love whiteboards! Mel brought in a white board from home so that we can visualize some of our thoughts tangibly. I totally wanted to get one when I first started with OMF, but didn't get around to it and once we got into the "flow" of things, I forgot to follow-up on it... With Melissa's fresh vision, eyes and thoughts, she brings such new-ness that I have somewhat neglected in the recent while. We had some great brainstorming sessions, as I laid out some of the "bigger picture" aspects of the Serve Asia Department. We decided to pay a wee tribute to Shannon (the pioneer of Serve Asia Canada) and used her cartoon figurine to outline the journey of a Serve Asia Worker...

Mel has been such an encouragement. She's been patient, willing, enthusiastic and excited about missions, God, His Kingdom... it's been so awesome to see and be a part of. Watching her grow over this past year has been so rewarding and I just can't express enough how thankful I am to God for creating her (ahhh... I'm so gay!). We are re-arranging our office space, bringing in new additions and re-structuring our department. Today was pretty cool. While we were trying to figure out and finalize the opportunities for 2007, the Spirit was really moving in us to focus on certain ones... Can't really describe in detail (due to security reasons, because of the sensitivity of somes of these countries), but it'll be really cool to see what the Lord does... Man... how exciting!!!

2006-09-22T13:00:00.000-04:00

Heading out right now to visit Raphael... He must be so bored, sitting and watching DVDs all day! I'm glad to have this chance to visit him and see how he's doing (will be bringing along some sushi and more DVDs for him to enjoy!). Ray said that I needed more pictures on my blog, so here are some to enjoy. Sara finally sent me some from the time we went camping =)

Living the life of Faith...

2006-09-15T16:25:00.000-04:00

Labour-Day Weekend...

2006-09-05T10:01:00.000-04:00

First of all, thanks to those that have left comments on the previous blogs (u know who u are!)... I was greatly encouraged by the support and it makes me realize that there are others in this journey of sanctification... so thank you =)

This past weekend was really great. On Friday, Bonnie, Lawrence, Wendy and I loaded up in Lawrence's Jetta and headed off to Cape Croaker (Native Reserve near Owen Sound). To backtrack a bit... I first went to Cape Croaker when I was in Grade 11 and have been sporadically visiting this reserve ever since (once or twice a year). Anyways, we were going up there to spend some time with Pastor Tony (the new pastor called to start up something in that reserve) and his family. Though the four of us went up later than the rest of the crew (Sam, Sayah, Simon, Karen and Alex), we had some great talks and learned about Pastor Tony and his heart for the Cape Croaker Reserve. Prayer and a humble heart can go a long way... and that's definitely what I saw in Pastor Tony. I was really encouraged by the new work that will happen on the reserve... God never forgets and He continues the work that He first started... It was truly amazing to experience.

As for my personal time, going up north and staying in a cottage (with the Georgian Bay right outside our window!) really relaxed me. I read and slept a lot, which really helped me to have some rest amidst all the "busyness" of city life. Had great talks with Bonnie on the way there and back... what an awesome girl she is (and the best part is that she doesn't even know it!).

The highlight was being able to see Mark and Nora again. I was so grateful to see Nora and just listen with her. I still can't believe Marcy had a baby, but it was beautiful to see how much Nora has been a support to her daughter during this time... I saw a genuine, Christ-like love flowing out of her. Instead of condemning her daughter, she was able to embrace her and extend grace... I learned a lot and was challenged by Nora this weekend.

Monday was really great. I stayed home all day and just lounged around, sleeping, reading, writing, thinking, pondering, praying, watching and chilling... it was a lazy, yet productive day. I wrote out some major prayer requests for this upcoming fall and wrote down some leads into how things may turn out in the near future. Excited, yet nervous at the same time. In Piper's book, Future Grace, it talks about how God works in those who are genuinely humble before Him. 1 Peter 5: 6-7, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." What an awesome passage! We can humble ourselves BY casting our anxieties and worries to Him... (I always love how practical the Bible really is!). As I was reflecting on my summer and my life at large, I realized how much pride I have. It's not that I don't trust God... I guess I don't trust myself... which doesn't really make any sense, because if I really trust God, He will allow me to go by His leading, because I trust Him (I hope this makes some sense). Self-confidence AND Self-Pity are both a form of pride, but in different extremems... We may think that self-pity is humility, but it's actually something else and we need to be aware of both forms of pride creeping up on us... (I struggle with self-pity as you can see...)

I've been wracking my brains out trying to figure out how to receive and accept future grace (which can only happen by believing and having faith!) and frustrated because it hasn't been happening... I guess I needed to first humble myself by casting my anxiety on Him. What a brilliant answer!

No wonder I feel so peaceful...

J

2006-08-29T12:15:00.000-04:00

There's so much to do and so little time... that always seems to be the motto of the day. Shannon had a cartoon sketch posted on her desk when she was still working at the OMF office, which totally epitimizes this feeling completely: "God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I will never die." It's a bit ironic, but I stuck that cartoon on my desk after she left... how weird. Now I'm shouldering the Serve Asia burden and it's definitely a heavy one to carry. I know... I know... it's been preached to me a number of times. It's never our work, but God's. It's not about us. It's all about God. (Sound familiar? Opening lines of a certain book...). At the same time, there are real responsibilities and real decisions to be made and though He never needs us to accomplish His tasks, He chooses to use us. Why?! Who really knows...

(Warning: I may rant a bit and be a bit random. If you want to stop reading right here and here, you can do so right now).

I know that I haven't really gone though tough things (externally-speaking), I feel that my faith is being tested. Though I tend to see God working in other people's lives, it's always really hard to see Him working in your own life (I'm sure all of you can agree!). There is a sense of numbness going on... I can't explain what my state feels like, but that's what it is at this point. It's not that I have a lack of faith in God, but I don't necessary "feel" things as I did before. This Sunday's worship time was really good. It wasn't emotional or anything like that, but it just gave me a bit of refreshment. Knowing about His ceaseless grace offered to us and taking this grace and really drawing upon it. Future grace... what does this really mean? There's a lot of expectations. I think I put this expectation on myself, but it's definitely not healthy. I feel people looking at me and expecting me to be perfect. I feel people talking to me expecting me to give "godly" answers. I don't like having expectations placed on me... rather I like surprising people and the way to do this is to lower people's expectations from the beginning so that it can only go up from there. When people find out what I "do" for a living, they all of a sudden become "more spiritual" and start sharing with me about spiritual things. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy hearing about what God is doing in their lives... it's just that there needs to be a limit in how much a mere person can take. Just like everyone else, my life is a process. Process of becoming the woman that God wants me to be and learning to submit at all times to His will and His ways... When is it ever going to end?!

Ok... I know everyone knows the answer...

Back into the "Groove..."

2006-08-21T13:06:00.000-04:00

So, I'm back in the office, working away and catching up on some e-mails. Wow... though it seems like this summer was a life-time full of experiences, being back in Toronto and getting into the swing of things again...it seems like I never left... weird...

I had an awesome time in both Indonesia and Korea. It was definitely a stretching experience (filled with lots of joys, frustrations, etc) for all of us I think, but in the midst of it all, we saw His hand at work wherever we went... Indonesia was very much a whole different world. Waking up every morning to the Muslim Call to Prayer (5am!); listening to the screeching of the geckos, eating rice and chicken off of my right hand (not the left!); bumping my head inside the van while going up the unpaved road; hearing the screams from Carmen and Jinny after finding a huge cockeroach on its back quivering its legs in the air; wiping off sweat from my sunscreened face; watching the ocean waves; and looking up at the milky way in an unending night sky... By God's grace, we were able to experience His great work amongst an unreached people group of Indonesia. How exciting it was to know that in the midst of such darkness, we were able to worship our Lord (JC) in that place. It was definitely a different world... that's for sure...

Someone at church yesterday asked Jinny and I to sum up our Indonesia experience in one word (ugh! The dreaded question!).

For Jinny, it was "eye-opening" (she said this without hesitation) and for me, "stretching." Definitely cool to see how different God works in all of us...

Anyways, should get back to work... laters for now...

J

Back from Gunsan

2006-08-07T08:27:00.000-04:00

Just got back today from Gunsan to visit my mom's side of the fam. What a riot they are! My mom is the 4th sister (out of the five), with an addition of two brothers... my mom's mom (my grandma that is!) had a busy time having all those kids! Anyways, a 4-hour drive later, we were in Gunsan eating seafood, talking and laughing with my mom's brothers and sisters. It was definitely weird seeing my cousins after all these years (especially Soeng Hyun oppa), but it was great to learn about my mom's past (apparently she was really beautiful and guys used to stalk her all the time! Can you believe it?!)... the best was seeing my grandmother. Though she was (and still is) sick, her spirits were high and she was sooooo glad to see me. She kept saying how much she regrets letting her beautiful daughter (my mom that is!) go to Canada (I think she wishes she could've stopped my parents from immigrating to Canada), I told her how we (Steph, Sara and me) thank our parents all the time for immigrating to Toronto (better opportunities... you know... the whole deal)... I think she felt a bit reassured and compensated the fact that she has not really been able to see her fourth daughter as often as she would've liked. All of my mom's family were gathered around the straw mat, talking, laughing and sharing old memories... it was sooooooo great! Can't wait to tell mom about all the inside info that I learned about her ;)

Sunday, we (the young ones) went to the beach and breathed in the ocean air, before heading off to the set where they filmed a Korean movie called, The King's Man. It was unbelieveably hot, so I couldn't enjoy the sight-seeing as much as I would've liked... but the most important part was just spending time with my cousins. I remember playing with them when I was young and it was weird re-uniting with them after over 20 years!!! Man... it was weird.

Monday morning, we (my 5th aunt and her daughter) set off to Seoul... We finally made it back to Seoul and rested a bit. Got to see the Olympic Stadium (she lives across the street from the Olympic park built in '88) and found another place to exercise tomorrow morning! Saw lots of rollerbladers and badminton players (so funny to see so many peeps playing badminton in the middle of the street!), before heading back home ... got a full day tomorrow... meeting up with Eun at Coex and later with Jeremy and his friend for Dongdaemun Market... Man! It's gonna be so hot tomorrow!!!

J

P.S. I can't seem to post pix on this computer for some odd reason... Perhaps I'll try again tomorrow...

2006-08-04T08:57:00.000-04:00

I've been so enjoying Korean food in the motherland. From dukboki to samgaetang to jajangmun (Ange will have a field day with these Enligsh-versions of Korean words!). The food is absolutely to die for, but the heat here is killing me slowly. Today, I packed my stuff and went on the subway (alone!) to my youngest aunt's house (on my mom's side) and since she lives right beside Lotte World, there were billions of people swarmed around when I exited the subway station. It was insane! We finally met and it's so weird seeing people after such a long time has passed... N.E. who, we made it out okay and had dinner at this restaurant (sitting on the ground again). This is my second time eating sitting down on the ground and I have to admit... I don't like it. My foot always falls asleep and it gets really painful. I guess I have to get used to it. We're leaving for Goonsan early in the morning to visit my relatives on my mom's side... and it's going to be a pretty exhausting (yet fun) weekend. It's kinda tough though... even though I like my relatives on my mom's side, they're all non-believers and it's always kind of awkward when they ask me what I'm doing now that I've graduated from Uni. Since everyone in Korea is trying to get-by and make a living (since the IMF crisis, there are people still jobless and it's been pretty tough in the recent days with unemployment and so forth)... when I mention what I'm doing, they have a really tough time understanding why I don't have a "job" and "volunteering" at a churchy kind of thing. Getting a job seems to be the ultimate goal in life here in Seoul and not having a "job" is a bit shameful here. I know that everytime they ask me what I'm doing, it proves to be an opportunity to share my faith, but to be completely honest... I get tired of saying the same thing over and over again. It gets a bit exhausting. Most times, I just shut my mouth and not say anything to justify why I do what I do. Who am I trying to please? Men or God? It's always a challenge, nevertheless...

I had an awesome conversation with one of my aunt and uncle (over a glass of cold beer actually! ha ha!)... he had an interesting view of the Korean churches in Korea and though he does not yet see things in God's perspective, he has a very realistic portrayal of how the church is functioning in Korea. Rather than trying to defend the church and argue with him, I listened and was genuinely interested in what he had to say... Though my aunt is a strong believer, he has not yet made a commitment to the Lord (yet!). I can see that God is definitely working in his life... God always seems to work in people's hearts by stirring, first, a sense of disastisfaction with the way things are. This, I definitely see in him. Unless the Spirit moves in his life, he will never really understand why people spend their time, resources, energy and efforts in serving God and His Church. To the worldly eye, it seems like church can be seen as a business... luring people in with attractive doctrines that make us feel good and keep us coming back week-after-week for more... Despite what men see, our Lord is working and it's definitely awesome to see =)

I should really be getting to bed, 'cause we're supposed to head out early for Goonsan tomorrow. If you remember, please pray for my mom's mother (my grandma), as she's in the hospital at the moment. She does not yet know Christ and, at this point, she's in her last state (according to my aunt). I know my mom (back in Canada) is praying for her, so I hope the Lord uses me in some way to share the Good News with her =) Please pray with me!

J

DMZ...

2006-08-01T07:34:00.000-04:00

Monday, we made a day-trip to the DMZ... the area dividing South and North Korea. DMZ stands for Demilitarized Zone (for those that didn't know already!). My cousin and her husband thought it was really weird of me to suggest going to such a place, but they were gracious to take me (I think it was an educational experience for the entire family!). When we neared the border separating the two countries, I was feeling various emotions about the whole thing (can't really describe in words... still have lots of process and didn't get to since I don't seem to have any time by myself!). Playing games in the back of the car with Jihae and Jihoon (my niece and nephew), we neared Paju City and got out to load into the tour bus which led us to the Observatory. We were astounded (all of us!) to see how close we actually were to NK (from Imjin River)... 360 M!

We got to the Freedom Bridge and saw lots of everyting. From signs and ribbons to clothing and prayer cards, it was pretty evident to everyone visiting that re-unification was not only favoured, but seemed to be the only represented voice there. When I asked my cousin on whether this was the attitude for most South Koreans, she gave me an interesting, yet very much the anticipated answer. Most modern-day South Koreans do not really want re-unification (recall East and West Germany)... Those that heavily support re-unification are the older generation, who have a greater solidarity to those in the North (10 million Koreans have separated families)... hmmm... lots to ponder and think about...
Lots observed and somehow in the midst of all the conflict (I just found out today on CNN that a NK soldier fired two shots at SK soldier at the border on Monday before the sunset... eerie thing was we departed the DMZ just before the sunset... but we didn't hear any gun shots!), His purposes and His Ways will always trump our ways. There is prayer/fasting movement on behalf of NK happening in clusters around the world (July 7-August 15, 2006)... God is definitely listening and will move in His perfect timing for His glory sake... I'd be very interested to know what will happen in the upcoming months ahead (especially 2007!)

Part of the family...

2006-07-29T07:20:00.000-04:00

It's 8:22pm (Seoul Time) and I'm sitting in front of the computer at my married girl cousins house here in Seoul with her daughter and son (my niece and nephew). They're watching TV at the moment (Korean Drama) and I feel so comfortable and part of the family here. I arrived in Incheon Airport yesterday morning from Jakarta, Indonesia and though it was weird at first seeing family here and staying at their place (I always feel like I'm imposing...), I feel like I really bonded with my niece and nephews here. We spent the whole day yesterday watching DVDs, shopping and driving and already we're joking around and playing games together =) Today, Sally (my niece) and I ventured out to Seoul National Museum on our own! We took the bus and the subway to get there and it was definitely an adventure on its own! Since she's only 15, it was kind of weird depending on her, yet feeling like I had to take care of her at the same time... She taught me a lot (buying a subway card, getting my way around and making sure we were on the right path). While we were in transit (transfer stations), I saw an old woman selling gum in the middle of a busy intersection (this was inside the subway station). People were bustling by without much notice to her, but I was absolutely shocked to see a Korean elderly woman selling gum to make a living for herself. She reminded me of my grandmother and my heart just broke at that moment. Sally and I went over to buy gum from her and though each gum was 1,000WON (10 cents), I gave her 5,000WON and didn't get the change from her. We were just leaving, when a young man came up to us and said that he was from the local Korean news station (MBC) and they were doing a segment on people helping others out and their motives behind things and started to ask me why I didn't get change from her. I was kind of confused (Sally thought he was drunk), but he kept asking questions and wanted our contact information. Obviously I didn't give it out, but gave my e-mail addy and walked away. We're not quite sure, but I think we might be on TV maybe...

We finally got to the museum and it was interesting to see the exhibits entitled, "Treasures from Pyongyang, North Korea." Inside were artifacts from Pyongyang and featured some new discoveries that is supposed to change some of the older facts on the various Korean dynasties (Chosun, Goryeo, Shila, etc). Some of the display items were absolutely breathtaking (I loved the black-ink paintings!), but we couldn't take pictures inside the museum... which kinda sucked (but totally understandable!). We ate awesome food, went shopping at various places and got home exhausted ... but satsified! Sally got to practice her English with me and I got to try out my Korean with her =) A very symbiotic relationship I think!

Pix from ID

2006-07-27T09:00:00.000-04:00

So much has happened while in ID and lots to share... Perhaps when I get back from Korea, I'll get a chance to update my journal, make a scrapbook and collect my thoughts before sharing with people...

In the meanwhile, here are some pictures:

There's more pix, but it's taking me way too long to upload them right now... I'll do it later...

SA Pre-Field Prep!

2006-07-04T15:32:00.000-04:00

It's Tuesday and I'm back in the office, wrapping up loose-ends and making sure things are covered while I'm gone to Indonesia and Korea this summer. This past weekend went pretty well (again... it's hard to really determine what success really is anymore) and everyone had lots of fun getting know one another more than anything. The Amazing Race was cool and each participant learned lots about Asia, Asian context, crossing culture and stress while on the "field." God was very much worshipped this weekend (both corporately and individually) and there's much to be thankful for...

This week's going to be crazy busy, meeting up with people, wrapping up last minute details and preparing to head out to the "unknown..." Learning and growing seems to be the motto for my life and being stretched is like the hardest thing ever!

Serve Asia Pre-Field Prep

2006-06-30T11:11:00.000-04:00

Hi Praying Friends! Just wanted to write to ask for prayer for all of us (especially me, as I am coordinating this pre-field prep time for our short-term missionaries)... that God would reveal Himself to all of us corporately and individually; His affirmation for going out to the missions field (East Asia) would be realized; and that we would be worshippers in all that we do... here and beyond!

Here is the schedule for those that are interested in praying more specifically:

Friday:
4:00pm - Arrivals/Icebreakers
5:00pm - Introduction to OMF International and Serve Asia
6:30pm - Dinner
7:30pm - Biblical Basis for Missions (Pastor Sean Huh)
10:00pm - Bed (zzzzz)

Saturday:
9:00am - Morning Worship (Collin Owen)
10:30am - Crossing Cultures & Culture Shock/Stress (Dave & Kathy Cook)
11:30am - iPod Etiquette (Mel Tan)
1:00pm - THE AMAZING RACE (Part I, II, III, IV)
4:00/5:00pm - DISC personality Tests
5:00/6:30pm - Team Time (logistical planning, etc.)
7:30pm - Movie Night ("Please Teach me English")
9:30pm - Free Time (Fireworks? Ontario Place and/or Ashbridges Bay)

Sunday:
9:00am - Morning Worship (all)
10:30am - Re-entry & Beyond...
11:30am - Church Service/Commissioning (Angus & Maryanne Smith)
12:30pm - Lunch/Departures

Thanks to those of you who are and will be praying...

Jess

Paul & Cynthia's Wedding

2006-06-27T22:33:00.000-04:00

Paul & Cynthia's wedding on Saturday was pretty awesome! Great laughs and great dancing :) So cool, yet so weird to see one of your peers tying the knot... Julie and I were both recalling in our grade 11 summer missions trip (Paul, Martin, Sayah, Randy, Steph, Anne, Julie and myself) and how young we all were... now Paul (one of us) is married! Can't believe it...
Everyone looked so beautiful! The flowers, the food, the wine, the music were all pretty amazing... I got to really chill with Jules and Hannah on Saturday (playing around with our hairs) before the reception and danced the night away during it. Bonnie caught the bouquet (makes sense, because she's the next in line)... Hannah took some (I mean a lot) of pictures, so I'll post some on here

2006-06-27T14:18:00.000-04:00

It's pretty clear what God wants to teach me these last couple of days and weeks. This whole notion of what Grace truly means are surrounding me (my thoughts, sermons, songs, scripture). You know that scene in Bruce Almighty... when Jim Carrey is sending Jennifer Aniston all these signals to make her love him? I feel like God is sending along pretty obvious signs and signals that are pointing me towards His Grace. What do I need to learn? Where do I begin? How can I practically apply Grace to my life? hmmm... so "I" centered I must say. What does God want me to see, learn and experience? in order that I may share this truth to others that I meet? in Indonesia and beyond...

Grace is an undeserving gift. It is not "an undeserved gift, because the gift is given to us continually (or at least it's offered... it's a matter of accepting and being a beneficiary from the ultimate Benefactor). I've been listening to Dr. John Piper's sermons on my way to the office and gaining some insight on what it means to live in Future Grace (I'm taking this book with me to Indonesia to learn more about Future Grace)... I'm still boggled by some of the things Dr. Piper speaks about (ie. Debtor's Ethic) and how to practically live day-to-day (daily grind of things) under His Grace. I thought I'd learned it all... but I guess living it out is more difficult than I have ever imagined. Not relying on my own skills, my own strength, my own power is harder and more difficult than I ever imagined. It leaves us paralyzed and unable to proceed ahead, binding us to leave us completely at His mercy... for Him to do whatever; whenever...

I guess when we realize our need, recognize our sin (our lack of acknowledging God)... He gives us clear direction as to what He wants us to do. This is a scary notion, because it means giving up the things that are easy and do-able (with our own strength) and taking on something that is beyond ourselves... in order that He alone take the glory! What an awesome, yet terrifying thing :0

When He gives us clear guidance and direction of where He wants us to go and do, then we respond and obey accordingly. I guess that's when our own strength and skills come into play? As long as we acknowledge that God is the one that has blessed us with those skills and gifts in the first place... Why is it that I know these things, yet have to be reminded time and time again? I guess in each circumstance and lifestage (especially as we get older and more set in our ways), the lessons are guised in a different light and God is creative enough to shape those lessons that need to be learned and lived out (so that we can be an effective witness) in a different way...

I'm in kind of a weird place right now... since I'm surrounded by missions, missionaries, Christians... it's been really difficult to be aware of what God is doing (sounds a bit ironic doesn't it). Two years working in a Christian environment, hanging around other believers, going to a Christian school and so on and so forth... it's just been really difficult in various ways to recognize the "realities" of the world that we live in and bring others "further up and further in" (as C.S. Lewis would say) under the umbrella and power of His Grace... Whoah... I can go on writing on and on about this... but it's pretty boring, so I'll just stop now. I used to be simpler... I don't know what happened to me... ;)

J

Grace...

2006-06-26T10:33:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty bad lately. Not focused and fairly distracted (or so I feel). Some of my actions, attitudes and words have reflected this (in my perspective). God really used yesterday's sermon to raise questions about what grace really means and how to practically go about applying this to everyday life. Morning devos (my utmost for His highest) also challenged me about grace and what it means to live in the "NOW" and not "later..."

There's been so many things in my mind lately (personal, work-related, family, friends, future, etc.) and it's been really difficult to sort through things and circumstances that come my way. Wow... it's so crazy to know that I still desire control and this seems to show more when I'm faced with situations head-on. Ugh! Frustrating to know there's still such a long way to go... God has been bringing some amazing and Godly people into my life and I'm ever so grateful and thankful for each one... These days, I've been putting prayer, alone-time and other reflective actions on hold so that I can do it while in Indonesia. I keep telling myself that I have no time to think about things now; I have no time to address some issues about my future now; I have no time to decide on some personal matters now; and so on and so forth... Funny how God reminds us that the time is NOW. Not later. NOW.

The grace you had yesterday will not do for today. Grace is the overflowing favour of God; you can always reckon it is there to draw upon. "In much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses" -- that is where the test for patience comes. Are you failing the grace of God there? Are you saying -- Oh well, I won't count this time? It is not a question of praying and asking God to help you; it is taking the grace of God now. We make prayer the preparation for work, it is never that in the Bible. Prayer is the exercise of drawing on the grace of God. Don't say -- I will endure this until I can get away and pray. Pray now; draw on the grace of God in the moment of need. Prayer is the most practical thing, it is not the reflex action of devotion. Prayer is the last thing in which we learn to draw on God's grace. "In stripes, in imprisonment, in tumults, in labours" -- in all these things manifest a drawing upon the grace of God that will make you a marvel to yourself and to others. Draw now, not presently. The one word in the spiritual vocabulary is NOW. Let circumstances bring you where they will, keep drawing on the grace of God in every conceivable condition you may be in. One of the greatest proofs that you are drawing on the grace of God is that you can be humiliated without manifesting the slightest trace of anything but His grace. "Having nothing..." Never reserve anything. Pour out the best you have, and always be poor. Never be diplomatic and careful about the treasure God gives. This is poverty triumphant.

Ahhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-20T12:51:00.000-04:00

So much to do and so little time... that's how I've been feeling in the last little while. It doesn't help that my family is also feeling very neglected in this whole busy season of my life (which is more often the case than not). Why do I get myself involved in so many things? Anywho, please pray for more help. Seriously... I think I'm losing my mind a bit (if I haven't lost it already).

God is still faithful even when I'm a mess...

J

Car Wash!

2006-06-12T14:16:00.000-04:00

The car wash that we had on Saturday was so much fun :) We had beautiful weather (a bit windy, but it was all good). We raised about $900 CAD for our local and overseas missions opportunities! Since it wasn't that hot on Saturday, I didn't think it was necessary to wear sunblock (I'm so stupid), but I regret it now... my neck is all burned and I have a nasty farmer's tan :0 I woke up on Sunday morning and I couldn't get out of my bed... I was sore all over! Today, I can't move around without bones cracking everywhere...

Enjoy some of the pics from Saturday!

2006-06-09T15:16:00.000-04:00

Moncton, New Brunswick

2006-06-03T12:48:00.000-04:00

Okay... I'm sitting in the library at the Atlantic Baptist University typing away at this random old computer (Samsung nonetheless). The Heart for Asia Conference is going well so far and it's great to meet lots of faithful prayer warriors in this area. Many have driven up to 3 hours to come here and learn about overseas work and everyone is so thrilled to meet me! I feel very humbled that they would give me an opportunity to speak to them (even though I probably have so much more to learn from them!). My session was at 9:15am and it went really well. I was very calm and relaxed, the powerpoint slides went smoothly and it was good to talk about the ministry that I'm involved in sending short-termers out to Asia :) The other sessions were very challenging as Greg talked about the ministry he is involved in (restricted places) and I was overwhelmed by the needs there are to send workers in those areas. I will remember to direct people that way if I ever encounter anyone that is seriously interested :) The dorm that I'm staying in is great and the view of the forest and the sky are absolutely beautiful... I feel like I'm in Green Gables! The numbers of trees here is fascinating and the air is crisp and clean. I'm probably the youngest one here and yet I feel surrounded by like-minded people... Lots of interesting conversations and discussions...

J

My Rights?

2006-05-25T15:14:00.000-04:00

My studies at U of T has led me to be fascinated by the idea of human rights and the exercise of fair treatment of human beings all around the world. A couple of days ago, I watched "The Constant Gardener." For anyone who has seen this, you could probably comment. The whole premise of the movie is about human rights and how different we view human beings depending on colour, status, position, etc. It's so difficult to imagine how different our lives would be if we didn't have the education that we got growing up, or the family, or the medical systems, or laws, or moral government, or ... and the list continues. Human rights, human rights, human rights were a big concern for me whilst in University. Actually, human rights have always been a part of me (guess it all started with me giving away all of my toys to my friends).

.............hmmmmmmm....................

As believers and followers of Jesus Christ, everything changes. As we are being sanctified into His likeness, everything is made new. Our view of the world; Our view of people; Our view of humanity... everything is different. As people of faith, we waive our rights and allow God to choose. As people of faith, we waive our rights and follow Him. As people of faith, we waive our rights and obey Him. How great the cost, yet how little the cost (compared to what we would've been left with if Jesus didn't die)! As Oswald Chambers writes:

The great enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but the good which is not good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best.

Advocating for human rights is good, but it's not the best... and we shouldn't stay there... allow people to taste and experience the best. As my pastor said last week... the best thing that we can offer people is Jesus (period).

Debriefing from a Fun, Busy, Relaxing Long Weekend...

2006-05-23T23:25:00.000-04:00

It was a great weekend. Friday was World Missions 101 at Church and once again, it was truly awesome to have a God-focused, Kingdom-focused session on Missions... Great thoughts and great questions were raised :)
Saturday was Christine & Jamie's wedding. It was pretty cool to see one of your friends tying the knot... especially when you know who she married! I love Jamie ;) It was a beautiful wedding, very lavish and elegant... I didn't have that much fun in a long time, which was really nice. It was also great to see old faces, old friends and catching up with loads of people. Everyone looked absolutely gorgeous... and the wine, the food and dancing was so much fun (kudos to the live and versatile band!). Sunday morning was spent visiting the Indonesian Christian Church (100 Petrolia Road for anyone interested in visiting). The Indonesian service was two hours long and I have to be honest... I fell asleep during the sermon. The speaker was interesting I'm sure, but I couldn't understand a word he was saying. Maybe 'cause he was speaking Indonesian?! Ah well. It did help to hear the language a bit (practice for being in Indonesia this summer). We also got a special shout-out during the service. Another pretty special encounter was the link-up with the short-term missions team that went to Indonesia the year before. They were so excited to meet with us and talk with us about their experiences. They were so excited! More than the advice and tips they gave us, it felt good to listen and allow them to share and be reminded of their experiences from last year. I hope they come to our "Taste of Indonesia" dinner event! Anywho, it was good to be there this Sunday. Definitey a God-thing I think ;) Faith Church was good. Man... going to two services on Sunday makes me feel holier than thou! Communion was really good. I was once again reminded of the cross and that it is never our doing or our efforts... but only by His grace and mercy that sets us free. We totally need to be reminded by partaking in Communion. It was awesome. Monday (holiday) was spent... in my room! I definitely needed to spend some time alone by myself, having some down time, reflecting and regaining energy. Lots of insight gained and affirmation. Caught up on some books and re-focusing on why I'm doing what I'm doing and for who I'm doing it all for... felt very relaxed...

Then Tuesday... (back to the office, back to the e-mails, back to people, back to demands, back to computers, back to the world)... help!

Photos from our Reunion!

2006-05-19T14:44:00.000-04:00

It was awesome meeting up with the girls again! Though I still feel a bit sad about not being their Bible Study/Cell Group leader, I know that this is another step in my life and theirs... Christina will be leaving us to study in the US (North Carolina)... We had great food, great laughs and great fun!!!

Ashley's Chopstick Brow

Korean Spicy Chicken Rib Dish

Korean Soup

The Four Muskateers!

... imagine ...

2006-05-18T13:49:00.000-04:00

400,000 children die of malnutrition each year in North Korea.

1,100 children die each day.

... imagine a life being born in the North ...
... imagine a life of suffering for believing in God ...
... imagine a life never knowing when your house will be raided ...
... imagine a life of being dragged to a gulag to be tortured ...
... imagine a life being arrested for singing a praise song ...
... imagine a life worshipping Kim Jong Il ...
... imagine a life without God ...

J

Too Busy...

2006-05-11T15:26:00.000-04:00

I have so much on my plate I feel like screaming sometimes. Though I know it's never "my work," I take responsibilty seriously. It's good, because it means that we have more short-term missionaries being sent out from Canada... but it means that the details and the coodination falls on me (I'm just one person). Don't get me wrong; I wake up every morning excited to go to work, because I know that I play an integral part in Kingdom building work... but I am human with a limited amount of time. Right now, we (OMF International) have about 50+ workers (of all backgrounds, age groups, etc) and it's definitely stretching to be coordinating their placements with the limited knowledge that I have of what each person will "actually be doing on the field" ... though that really doesn't matter really. It's about Christ working in us and transforming us into His likeness... We always make it to be "work" and about "doing things" when really it's about being and not doing. We're human beings... not human doings (Rob and Clara's quote). If you remember and have some time, pray for more help to alleviate some of the work-load!

Grey's Anatomy and House...

2006-05-09T22:18:00.000-04:00

Best two shows on TV right now would have to be Grey's Anatomy and House hands down!!! Sara and I have been pretty obsessed with both shows and debriefing after it's over... (both of us are in love with Patrick Dempsey and Hugh Laurie!!!).

Jenny and Marty's Story

2006-05-04T16:22:00.000-04:00

I was extremely challenged and inspired by this story... It's always good to find an article, book, etc. that you find a connection with...

Jenny and Marty and their two sons (then aged seven and five) moved to a Central Asian country in 1994. After completing his MBA at Boston University in 1988, Marty had worked in manufacturing and then as the head of the finance and administration for the Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship of Canada. Jenny was a family doctor in a successful and highly satisfying medical practice in Ontario, Canada. Marty takes up the story:

'We both greatly enjoyed our work and felt our gifts and skills were used well. Job satisfaction for both of us was high. We had always intended to go overseas at some point and realized that as our children got older, it was not going to get easier and that the sense of call was now. We were accepted for service with Interserve - Canada, and now work with IFES as "tent-makers" in Central Asia.

'One of the greatest shocks to us - and one that we had not anticipated - was that job satisfaction simply disappeared. We felt discouraged in our language learning, and chores for daily living took up most of the rest of our time. Then suddenly I had to take over a business that was on the verge of failure. It got difficult for the boys too. After a couple of "easy and fun" months, our elder son experienced a high dose of culture shock and fear. He was in the first grade of a local school which taught in Russian, and he was trying to learn the language and survive.

'Jenny and I had been used to working among skilled and competent professionals and with all kinds of excellent support services. The amazing infrastructure of modern Western life from good roads to dependable lab tests to banking services was where we had lived. Canada is consistently rated by the UN as having the world's highest standard of living.

'It was a massive cultural shift. The huge majority of people in the former Soviet states were 50 to 80 years behind in the way they lived, and in their working environments. Often there was no heat, no computers, no basic knowledge of pharmacology or sterilisation, no travellers' cheques or credit cards, and a work ethic that goes with a welfare military state where no relationship exists between performance and pay.'

'We found virtually nothing on which to claim success, and daily failure seemed the rule. We knew in theory that our true identity should be in Christ, but in practice it felt that our identity was in our work, and going down fast. We had a lot to learn.'

'Coming to terms with failure and with much lower expectations of what can be done in a day took a long time. It helped to think through what is most important and to focus on that. When so much of Western energy is devoted to money and entertainment, endless education and retirement planning, it takes time to sort out what is really important. Maybe we are beginning to learn.'

The Duckling

2006-05-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

Funny night last night. We went downtown to watch the "Abduction"... a movie about a Japanese girl who gets kidnapped by the North Korean government (a true story)... So I went to pick up Sammy from his house and we, along with Sam Kim, trekked downtown to pick up Hyal and head to the Nadal Jewish Community Center (the Al Green Theatre) to watch this documentary. I was so excited! Down we went on the DVP south... Sam was telling me about his grandmother and how she was doing... I was so into what he was saying that I missed our exit (Don Mills South) and went down south further! I so wasn't paying attention and we were just about to be too late for the movie. We finally got off at Bloor Street and dropped off Sam (who ran like 3 blocks to get tickets and seats for us while we went back to pick up Hyal)... it was seriously so hectic... By the time we picked up Hyal, it was already 9:50pm (the movie was starting at 9:45pm) and Sam called us saying that tickets were already sold out (people were actually waiting in line to see this movie!). I was so disappointed... With our heads down and feeling really stupid, we decided to eat a late dinner downtown instead (just because we were already down here). Hyal suggested we watch a later film (check out other documentary listing at Hot Docs!) and so we said "okay!" We ended up watching "The Duckling."
Sam Chung joined us too (he was complaining the whole time, because he didn't know that we were watching an independent documentary film...fell asleep I think during most of the movie). The film was actually quite interesting. Sayaka (the main character) confronts her family members one by one, revealing layer upon layer of complex, conflicted and shocking relationships. By confronting them of the hurt she experienced from each of them, it seemed to really help her resolve her feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness. Though there were leading questions and biased viewpoints, the movie was overall quite real and raw. Refreshing to see... The best part about it was at the end of the film, there was a question and answer session with Sayaka! She went on the stage and answered some of the questions that the audience had of the movie. That was pretty cool ;) Overall, it was a fun time (even though we didn't get to see what we orginally went down to see). Really showed and revealed lots about Japanese culture and family relationships... pretty educational (which is always good)!

Some pics from Christine's Bridal Partay!!!

2006-04-26T12:59:00.000-04:00

All of the girls...
Making the toilet paper dress for Hyal...
The beautiful brides...
Side Note: Our team got disqualified for using tape for our toliet paper design... (anne... what kind of party is this?!!!) ha ha...

April 24 Entry of My Utmost for His Highest

2006-04-24T09:49:00.000-04:00

The Warning against Wantoning

As Christian workers, worldliness is not our snare, sin is not our snare, but spiritual wantoning is, viz., taking the pattern and print of the religious age we live in, making eyes at spiritual success. Never court anything other than the approval of God, go "without the camp, bearing His reproach." Jesus told the disciples not to rejoice in successful service, and yet this seems to be the one thing in which most of us do rejoice. We have the commercial view -- so many souls saved and sanctified, thank God, now it is all right. Our work begins where God's grace has laid the foundation; we are not to save souls, but to disciple them. Salvation and sanctification are the work of God's sovereign grace; our work as His disciples is to disciple lives until they are wholly yielded to God. One life wholly devoted to God is of more value to God than one hundred lives simply awakened by His Spirit. As workers for God we must reproduce our own kind spiritually, and that will be God's witness to us as workers. God brings us to a standard of life by His grace, and we are responsible for reproducing that standard in others.

Unless the workers lives a life hidden with Christ in God, he is apt to become an irritating dictator instead of an indwelling disciple. Many of us are dictators, we dictate to people and to meetings. Jesus never dictates to us in that way. Whenever Our Lord talked about discipleship, He always prefaced it with an "IF," never with an emphatic assertion -- "You must." Discipleship carries an option with it.

Reflections from Downpour Conference...

2006-04-08T22:35:00.000-04:00

I’m on the verge of wracking my brains out… I have to finish off this paper for my Spiritual Formations class. Ugh… I hate being enforced (or strongly encouraged as I should say) to write a paper about what God has been teaching and revealing to me. I wish we didn’t have a time limit and we could hand this in whenever we wanted to. Oh well… I should have finished these off before I headed off to the Downpour conference. Wishful thinking I guess…

Speaking of the Downpour Conference, I just got back from Hamilton and it was a very interesting conference I should say. I had a mini-debriefing of it in the car on the way back to Toronto with Wayne and we both agreed that God’s presence was definitely felt. I personally felt revived and more assured of my faith in Him. The first night was my favourite as the topic of the sermon was on God’s Holiness (how appropriate, as I was always drawn to this message… John Piper’s influence maybe?). It’s always good to know that we are teeny tiny compared to the Holiest of Holys. I felt thankful to our Lord for knowing how much I needed a downpour in my soul, after feeling very dry these last couple of months. It has been difficult for me to advocate on missions and cross-cultural evangelism, as I’ve been lacking the passion and desire to do what He has for me to do (with all the admin work, it’s slowly eating away at my soul). I know that there are always nitty-gritties of every “job,” but with such a multi-tasking job, it’s really difficult to know what’s expected of you and what areas you should venture out to. Anywho, back to the conference, it was interesting to know how the Spirit is ONE. The speakers were all in-line with each other’s message and Wayne even pointed out that they all seem to relate as one message. It was cool, I must say…

During the day today, I was once again reminded of my own sinfulness (even though it may not be external, Satan’s greatest attack on me has been on my mind and thoughts). One specific sin was false modesty and self-helplessness. I wouldn’t have known that this should be dealt as harshly as they set this out to be, but this particular sin has been hindering me in doing some really awesome things for the Lord in the recent days. I was thinking especially of the SA coordinator position that is being handed to me (as Shannon is transitioning out of OMF) and how ultimately inadequate, useless, untalented (is this even a word?!) and utterly hopeless I’ve been feeling about this whole thing. I guess Satan has been busy at work in trying to convince me that I am helpless, allowing me to feel sorry for myself and paralyzing me from venturing out and doing something that gives God the glory (‘cause we know how much Satan hates that!!!). Writing this down really helps me to process out what I’m feeling and thinking… pretty cool :) Anywho, yeah… back to what I was saying (I always get off topic)… I uttered a prayer over and over again that God would give me more confidence, competence and the ability to serve Him wholeheartedly. Not to have confidence in myself, but in God who works in me and through me. What an amazing thing to have the Lord of Lords, King of Kings living and residing in me, a temple of God?! Too cool for words, I must say… I hope He really hears this prayer. Speaking of answered prayer, in the early stages of my involvement with OMF, I asked specifically (to God and to others to pray to God) for the gift of discernment (the ability to see things as they really are). The other day, Hyal was telling me that I seem to have temporarily possessed this gift (as I was able to point some stuff out in her life that left both her and me amazed and in awe). I was overjoyed to know that God has heard and answered in due time.

I guess, I really need to develop more confidence in God’s ability to work in and through me. More confidence in God means more confidence in me. Hope this happens pretty soon as Shannon will be leaving us pretty soon.

Wandering Mind

2006-03-28T23:58:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have those days where you drive yourself crazy with all the thoughts running through your mind? Last week, I was deathly sick with some sort of flu or something... Since I really can't stand going to the doctors, I stayed home... in bed and snuggled up for two days... unable to get out from my lovely IKEA sheets. It was brutal. I was too weak to stand. I was too weak to read. I was too weak even to watch TV (it was giving me the worst headache in the world!). I definitely felt blue...

Anyways, while in bed, I was left alone with my wandering brain (which is usually filled with randomness and stupid details). Why is it that my mind is always filled with soooooo much?! I don't think I ever used to think so much in my life, but these days, it's been captivating my life and controlling me... making me unable to function properly.

thinking of all the short-term workers we're sending out this year... thinking of all the support I need to raise... thinking of the Indonesian placement details... thinking of Steph's wedding... thinking about our youth at church... thinking about what church to attend from now on...thinking of NK children... thinking of James Lonely... thinking of the Missionfest that was coming up... thinking about what to do in the upcoming years... thinking of all my friends that I don't keep in touch with anymore... thinking of people in my life now... thinking of my parent's business... thinking of Steph getting married... thinking of me never getting married (he he)... thinking of the presentation I had for school... thinking of the UNHCR efforts for NK refugees... So much going on in my head!

All of these burdens were weighing me down and causing me to feel heavy. It was really good to meet with my Spiritual Director today. She's been such a great listener and facilitator, forcing me to be still and silent before God. Anyways, today's session was really cool and interesting. Let's just say there were some random objects involved: army green backpack, light grey stones, etc. I don't think one day and one session will change the external situation... however, my perspective on things can change (and will change); which helps immensely.

Some of my friends were telling me over dinner one day (you know who you are) that I have become somewhat of a Calvinist (whatever that means anymore). I have now gone to the other end of the extreme... Today, my SD reminded me that though God knows all and is all, He waits for us to ask Him. He waits patiently for us to respond to Him. He never forces us, but waits ... It's so simple, yet why do I forget it this so much? I feel like an idiot sometimes, because I seem to learn the same things over and over again...

Hmmm.... perhaps I've been too passive in the recent days... thinking that God is going to do everything, because He already knows everything that is going on and is going to happen.

Ugh! I'm annoying myself (I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!)...

... Anyways
J

Report from a Trappist Monastery...

2006-03-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

I really thank God for great books. Since finding great and quality books seems more and more difficult, when that odd good one appears... it's something to be cherished. When I get discouraged, depressed, weak and weary, books really lift and inspire my spirit.

I've been stressing over getting this paper done for my Spiritual Formations class. We are required to integrate our experience at the Spiritual Formations Retreat with Henry Nouwen's book, Genesee Diary, compiling it to make a concise 3-page paper. I hate the pressure of having to write about something with limited resources, time and lack of inspiration. I started the book a few weeks back and found it a bit tedious... (everyone bigged it up way too much for me). It was difficult to pick up the book and force myself to read it, but with the due date looming for Monday, decided to pick up the book and continue reading where I'd left off (I was stuck on the same chapter for over 3 weeks now). Boy, was I blown away!!! Basically, the book is a collection of diary entries by a renown scholar, professor, teacher and theologian by the name of Henry Nouwen. I'm sure you've heard of him at some point in your lives ;) He spent seven months in a monastery and wrote down his contemplative thoughts into his journal (which is now a book... Genesee Diary). I thought I was a freak... but after reading Nouwen's thoughts...it's good to know that I'm not alone.

Love his honesty in writing his innermost thoughts and sharing this with the world (especially with God's people... thinking they're alone in this battle). What an awesome encouragement this book has been to me today!

Makes for writing this paper a bit more bearable...

Pic of the Bridesmaid Dress...

2006-03-16T11:58:00.000-05:00

Finally we picked out the Bridesmaid dress for Steph's wedding... still can't believe I'm writing this sentence... anyways...Here it is. We were hoping to get a different colour, but this colour seems to suit my mom the most (how stubborn that woman can be at times). She's too funny...

Partnership... huh?

2006-03-13T13:43:00.000-05:00

I've been very concerned lately about the state of our church. The partnership that we (both Faith Church and Dahdrim Church) set out to do has been questioned and it seems that some (especially the parents of our youth) have been in disagreement over this partnership situation. Hmmm... I wonder how it's going to turn out in the end? I learn more about church politics everyday it seems. I guess that undergrad poltical sciences degree comes in handy sometimes ;) We've had numerous discussions with the leadership (from both sides) and by the end of March, Dahdrim will decide how to go about this situation. There are lots of leaders from Faith church that have sacrificed their time, energy and resources to come and serve the youth at our church... it's been encouraging to me to see the love of Christ displayed by their actions. As for our kids, they deserve the best care and with the leaders leaving right after church (a whole group of us)... it has not been the ideal situation to say the least.

I absolutely love and adore our youth group... I've spent the last two years praying and helping to care for them all and have really developed a heart for them. Even though I would never want to leave them, I've only just recovered from the burn-out that I felt after the 2005 summer...so taking on a bigger role is already stressing me out. If the partnership doesn't happen, I'm not sure whether I'll stay... staying means that I'll be an undefined/unofficial youth pastor and I know that I'm definitely not called to be or do this.

It really reminds me of something that Erica said to me long time ago. When I was in youth group, Erica was one of the small group leaders who taught us the Bible. When she quit teaching, I felt a bit disappointed and judgemental towards her. Why would she not give her time to help lead the flock that was so thirsting to know more? Why not give of your time and resources? So, I went up to her and asked her why she decided not to teach anymore... she then told me that she not only didn't have the gift of teaching, but she needed fellowship with her own peers at the time. Back then I didn't understand this, but now...it's all coming back. Funny how things always come back to you at the most appropriate times. I am Erica now... hmm... funny.

Pray that we, as a leadership, would be attentive to the Lord's leading and obey what He desires out of this whole situation (from both ends!).

Life is so good!

2006-02-22T12:20:00.000-05:00

Life is so exciting and good. Maybe because the God that we serve is so Good. God is ever so gracious and merciful. I cannot help but praise Him. I cannot help but worship Him. Whoah...

Driving to "work," I was overwhelmed by the beauty of God, who He is and what He stands for. Looking up at the bright and awe-strucking sunlight streaming down at me... I felt a sense of God's affirmation in knowing that I'm in the right place at the right time. This is the best feeling in the world. There is no other place that I would rather be than here. We always try to box our God in... putting and fitting Him into a shape, structure, "thing", that we want Him to fit neatly into. God needs to bust out, overturn the state of how our world is currently functioning, and make all things Bad into Good (recall, "See... I make all things New"). Only God can do it... and it is our utmost privilege to be used by Him to do these "good" things. Can we ever concoct out of our own will (and sinful nature) to do Good? NEVER! It is only by His Grace that we can ever do Good.

For anyone reading this and want to share about your expressions of praise and adoration to our God ... do comment :)

Debriefing...

2006-02-20T08:58:00.000-05:00

The "Taste of Japan" event was really good. Though it's always difficult for the person (who is involved in it) to assess the "success" of the event (whatever that means), I really believe that God was ultimately glorified through it all. Let me tell you... I was stressed prior to the event. Melissa was cooking and baking up a storm at my house (there were times when I left my house to pick up ingredients from T&T and also to pick up Shisuka from Yorkdale). She seems to be fairly familiar with my kitchen now :) She made Japanese cheesecake, red bean filled mini-pancakes, fried pastry thingys, potato snacks, etc. I wish I knew the authentic names for each snack, but I guess my description has to do for now... It was nearing 6:15pm and I hadn't left my house yet. After picking up Shisuka, we headed to my house, so that she could grab a bite to eat before heading out to the church. Because I was setting up for the church, I had to leave my house pronto, so I left Mel and Shisuka alone at my house (them meeting for the first time that day!). What could I do...

Driving to the church, I got a phone call from Kev saying that the church was still locked and that they were all waiting outside. I was seriously sweating by this point. I told the church secretary to have the church opened by 6pm, and it was 6:40pm and the church was still locked... what are we going to do!!! I was panicking. Kenny called my cell phone and I told him of the situation and he said that he was almost at the church and he'll figure out what to do. He then called me back like 5 min. later saying that they opened the church... thank God! By the time I got there, it was 6:45pm and I had to set up all the displays, powerpoints, books, etc. Since I've never been to the church before and didn't know their facilities too well, it was also challenging to figure out where everything was. People were coming up to me asking me what to do and when we were going to start and why this, where that... I was going to scream at all of them to leave me alone! I couldn't think properly... But somehow, everything worked out. I was grateful to Kenny and Mindy for helping to set up the books, CD, displays and the brochures. They were even creative putting up the posters using the coat hangers ;) Kev set up the sound systems and got the technical aspects working properly. The church secretary was gracious to help set up the tables and put cloths on them. Josh' parents were awesome in putting up the Japan posters and the flag, making the place look more authentic. Mel and Shisuka arrived and had the delish Japanese snacks set up. By the time we started, it was 7:30pm... not too bad :)

The most significant time was our threesome prayer before we started. It really helped us to get calm and still before the Lord, asking Him to work and be glorified by all of this. We knew that the pressure wasn't on us to "perform," but that we were servants for His ongoing work. It really puts one to ease, knowing that God is in control and not us :) The rest of the event was a blur. We showed some clips on the OMF ministry in Japan (including the Ghents' ministry), Josh shared about his goals to reach people with disabilities and Kev got the chance to share about how God has been leading him to embark on this venture to Aomori, Japan. Though there were some technical problems, the prayers uttered and the awareness of what God is doing in Japan was clearly evident throughout our time. I thought about all those people praying for this event and knew that God was answering each prayer, because many sitting there were blessed and challenged. The best part about the event was the fellowship at the end. People lingered around enjoying the many Japanese dishes and talking away... it was awesome to see. One guy came up to me and showed a desire to join the Japan Kids Gospel Music Team. That was neat.

Driving Shisuka home, we had a really good heart-to-heart talk... (can't really mention on this blog what we talked about). Getting out of the car, she prayed for me. The two words that stuck out during her prayers were: Righteousness and Holiness. These two things have been sticking out to me the last couple of weeks (is it because of the calendar?)... Anyways, just a random side thought :)

What a joy to be a part of God's team (as Pastor Sean preached this Sunday)! Even though I am not technically "going out longer term" myself to the "mission-field," I am the sender, encourager and empowerer to those that are called to go out and spread the love to those who so desperately need it. I am part of the link, piece in the puzzle, cord to the plug, ... ok... I'm getting carried away... I'll stop now ;) ... You get the gist...

Taste of Japan

2006-02-13T10:48:00.000-05:00

Josh and Kevin will be sharing their testimony at the TASTE OF JAPAN happening on February 17, 2006 (Friday!). I'll be helping to coordinate the event and perhaps MC-ing it too! If you're interested in coming out, please do contact me: jess.han@gmail.com

It'll be held at Fellowship Baptist Church from 7~9 pm... Josh Grisdale will be working with the disabled in Tokyo and Kevin will be ministering in Northern Japan up in Aomori. All are welcome!

High School... Again?!

2006-02-08T15:09:00.000-05:00

So many coincidences and encounters have been happening in and through my life... I feel like everyday is an adventure of some sort (so exciting!). This past Saturday, Steph, Christine and I ventured out to look at some bridal stuff (wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses, etc) for Steph's wedding (October 21, 2006!).

It was fun. We drove downtown and went to this one place called Veronica's and I was able to try on a fantastic strapless dress (long)... Such a pretty pink! It was great to try on all sorts of pretty things... made me realize how much I miss dressing up and going someplace fancy! ... such a girl I am ...

Anyways, we stopped by this place at Queen street called "Le Gourmand." It's a brilliant place (Great food. Great coffee. Great people.) and Christine was able to pick out a mug for Debbie. We dashed across the street to a wedding dress shop and went in to get Steph to try on some gorgeous dresses. It was absolutely insane seeing all these wanna-be brides looking for the "perfect dress." Anyways, there was this girl there with her mom, browsing along the endless varieties of white dresses... she looked so familiar. She also glanced at me, but didn't say anything, so I just moved on. Steph tried on around 20 dresses (one of them looked absolutely stunning!) and decided to come back with mom, who will make the "final decision." Christine asked us whether Steph found anyone to play music for the ceremony. Steph and I both thought of Susanna. She majored in the Cello and plays concerts... she's absolutely awesome in that instrument. But since high school, we've lost touch (she went to McGill and we stayed in Toronto) and it would've been difficult to get her phone number again. We then went over to Christine's place and lounged a bit, looking at pictures and watching TV. Her and Jamie drove us home and I got ready to pick up Sara from work (Yorkdale Mall). We went into Yorkdale (I wanted to browse a bit) and I went into Jacob and bought myself a sweater and some tank tops. When I came out of the store, I saw at a distance Susanna and her friend Irene (whom I saw at the Bridal shop some hours earlier)!!! It was insane... pretty crazy. We hugged and I asked her what she was doing on the 21st of October and if she wanted to play for Steph's wedding. She agreed and was so happy to know that Steph was engaged. It was one of those moments. Anyways...

I came home that night and was just reflecting on these past couple of weeks and realized that there were many high school friends/acquaintances who were coming back into my life. It's a bit weird... All throughout University, it was always difficult to keep in touch with my high school mates, but these days, it seems that fellow high school-ers are coming back into my life.

Steph and I were talking about this on our way to work this morning and she also mentioned some peeps from high school coming into her life as well... Is there a purpose and a reason for this? Who really knows... All I know is when one set of relationships seem to be coming to a close (not in a bad way), God opens another set of relationships to focus on. I was going through my high school yearbook and it's funny to know how young we all were...

Addicted... to lip balm...

2006-02-03T12:40:00.000-05:00

One of my favourite things of all time is (and will always be) lip balm. I really love it. It just soothes and glides over your lips and makes your face smell delish and lovely! I love lip balm. There are so many different kinds to choose from and I always relish every one... (what a loser I am!). Currently, I'm using the Vaseline Lip Therapy, as well as the Kiehl's baby lip balm.
Hmmm.... I also really love the Bigalow one by Bath and Body Works... smells like vanilla, tastes like honey!!! Anyways, this is such random blog entry... I love it! Tomorrow, I'm supposed to try on bridesmaid dresses with Christine and Steph. I feel fat and bloated, but I guess I can lose some pounds before the wedding in October. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ no more sweets, cookies, chocolates from now on! "diet starts from tomorrow"... Just got off the phone with Melissa... can't believe the way that God's been orchestrating her life. It almost seems to be pre-destined or something (ah the dreaded controversial word). There are so many people around that's been changing and it's like unbelievably awesome to see (and be a part of). Life feels good and living (truly living) feels even better!

... this is like the most random-est blog ever!

Birthdays galore...

2006-02-01T15:18:00.000-05:00

There are so many birthdays this time of year... For someone who hates shallow relationships, I really want to be there for people's b-days whenever I can, but I've been finding it more and more difficult to keep up the social contacts. I didn't realize how hard it really is to maintain a social life...regardless of how non-existent it can be!

Oooohhhh... this jazz music that I'm listening to is sooooo sooothing!

Anyways, back to the birthday thing... Yes. Birthdays for others... Hmmm... right. Let's get focused... (I can't concentrate with this music playing in the background). I realized recently that there are friends and contacts that I totally don't keep in touch with anymore. It's really sad that at one point in your life, you seem inseparable to certain people and then... nothing. It's sad how relationships don't always seem to last and we move on to the next group of people that share in what you're doing at the moment. Moving churches when you haven't really moved locations has been a bit difficult for me. I'm such a relational person that I get attached to people easily (yet I don't open up easily...which is a bit ironic). Ah well... that's life I guess.

What a drama queen I am... :(

Rest for the Soul...

2006-01-19T09:23:00.000-05:00

Mmmmm.... I love the word, "REST." It is one of those words that gives humankind that sigh of relief upon hearing it and positive action upon applying it. Rest for the soul, more importantly, resting in God is THE most important thing in living the Christian life. During our free time at Niagara Falls, Shannon and I had the privilege of visiting St. Mark's Anglican Church. It was the church that Krystal (Shannon's sister) got married in and so we went in. It's an old church with traditional pews, pulpit and intricate stain glass windows. As we entered the empty sanctuary, we heard the organist playing (rather practicing) some hyms to play for Sunday Worship Service. We placed ourselves in separate pews and sat at the presence of God...stopping and being still before Him. As I opened my Bible, my cell phone rang and I went out to answer my phone. After getting off the phone, I realized that I was standing at the site of a cemetary. As I walked around, viewing (with morbidness) the tombs and grave sites of people who had once been living and walking on the earth, I realized how fleeting life on earth can be. It was a crisp cool day and my heart began to pray... The one thing I remember praying was that I would continually abide in Him. Abide in Christ always. It doesn't matter (really) what I "do" for Him. It doesn't mean that we don't "do" anything and sit still being lazy all day...but (as Shannon put it), actions should come as a result of our relationship with Christ. By being still before, abiding in Him and listening to His voice, we can be energized and refreshed daily to be a tool for Him to use. Action should come out as a result of our love for Christ. These principles are nothing new (for those that "grew up in the Church"), but truly living out the Christian life is impossible without the continual grace and mercy of our faithful Father.

Endless invention, endless experiment,
Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness;
Knowledge of speech, but not of silence;
Knowledge of words, and ignorance of the Word...

Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

OMF Canada's National Staff Conference

2006-01-11T10:34:00.000-05:00

I have to get going pretty soon to head off to Niagara Falls for our Annual OMF Canada's National Staff Conference. There are numerous people flying in to Toronto from all parts of Canada (our regional coordinators) and setting off to Niagara (leaving Toronto at 2:00pm) and spending three days presenting and listening to seminars relating to missions, global and local contexts, and OMF in general. For those of you that know OMF well, it is a fairly extensive organization, rich in history, background and experience. Known as one of the "successful Long-term Mission," OMF is primarily recognized by its founder, the great Hudson Taylor that coined the term: "God's work, done in God's way, will never lack God's supply." Since many OMFers have been with the mission for over 5 years (on average), I feel new to the group (even though I've been with them for over a year). Shannon and I are the "younger" ones, and there are lots of issues that need to be brought forth to the table regarding the mindset, attitude and actions of the younger generations. During this conference, we'll be discussing matters of mobilization and how to effectively respond to people, interested in both short-term and long-term efforts to "evangelize to East Asia's peoples."

Here is our schedule for the next week (if you feel led to pray for us):

Jan 11~13: Niagara Falls with sessions led by Bob Morris)
Jan 14: OMF Day of Prayer
Jan 15: Worship together at Chinese Gospel Church
Jan 16: Mobilization Sessions (All Day)
Jan 17: Day at OMF Canada's National Office
Jan 18: Conference Wrap-up

I attended this conference last year (at around this time) and it was such an encouraging time for me. I was thirsting to know more about cross-cultural missions and how God was working amidst OMF workers all over the world. We had a variety of speakers from different organizations, Urbana reps, etc. It was a great time of learning, vision-casting and brainstorming new ways of obeying His command to go out to the great harvest. This year will be a bit different (definitely!). This year, I'll have more input and say...I feel that I will be able to contribute a bit more. Please pray that we will be attentive to what God wants for OMF Canada and how to respond better to the constantly changing Christian Church context in Canada :)

2005-12-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

It's horrible to think this and more horrible to write this, but I have to do it anyways, because I'm in a process and God is doing something in me that I can't quite explain or even begin to understand. I'm coming to realize more and more that we (humans) are completely and totally bad! I've been realizing this because I'm really not liking people right now. Nothing has really happened to spur this on (and maybe this is all in my head), but I so don't want to be around others and I even annoy myself!!!

It just dawned on me that not one is good...not even one. No one is righteous...not even one. There is absolutely no way that I can love others in my own natural state. I can't. I don't like "being there for others," I have no patience for others, I have no desire to help others. If I had things my way, I would choose to just live life comfortably, not suffering, not doing things that are going to cause struggle and pain. I want to have others serve me, others to acknowledge how good and awesome I am, others to praise me and affirm me. I feel myself being sooooooooo bad!!! This probably sounds like I'm hating on myself and have low self-esteem, but it's not at all what this is. The optimistic person that I am about the world and about people, I think God is revealing to me that it is never us that can do good...only God can truly change people and He is so gracious and merciful that He chooses to use us to fulfill His purposes...

Why is God so merciful? Why is He so good to us? Why does He have so much patience in people like myself? Why is He so dang forgiving?

I don't think I'll ever understand the measure of His goodness...I will never understand His mercy, His compassion and (most importantly) His unconditional Love. Though I've been a Christian for a long time, why is it that I still thirst to Know Him more...thirst to understand, to seek and to be with Him? It definitely doesn't come from my own desire...it must be something that God has placed in me and is continually placing in me...

Prayer to God:

Though I can never understand you, I choose to follow you. Though I can never "get" you, I choose to be yours. Thank you for giving me the ability to choose you. It is only by your grace, mercy and gift of faith that I can choose you. Thank you for choosing me first. Thank you for loving me first. Lord I rest in you...

Jess

Vegging...

2005-12-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

It feels good to do nothing (if that's even possible!). I've been vegging out and lofting at home, watching DVDs after the other... Though I feel a bit lazy, it feels good to just relax and not think about anything! I've been keeping the DR team in my prayers and other things that pops up in to my head (for no reason on my own part), but other than that... I've been loving my time at home :) This upcoming year will be really interesting, filled with lots of activity and adventures! Though I can't wait to be a part of it all, I need to be re-fueled and re-charged before starting this new year.

At this point, I've been feeling more anti-social than ever (which is totally unlike me)...don't feel like seeing people, or being around people... ahhhhhh welll.... Don't know whether this is just one of those things that I have to go through or if it's an attitude that needs to be changed on my part. Sometimes I don't know whether it's me that needs to be changed or whether it's the outside that needs to change...don't know anymore. All I know is that I feel like my natural state is being transformed (more like Christ?!) and I feel like I'm losing all control in the process of sanctification (or whatever this is)...

Feels like my whole world is being changed (though I really haven't gone anywhere) and I don't know how to "be myself" anymore... This probably doesn't make sense to anybody, but just had to get this out of my system ;)

Kindred Spirit...

2005-12-15T10:09:00.000-05:00

I feel like Anne (of Green Gables...One of my favourite books/movies!) when I talk about kindred spirit, but it's pretty rare when I find something that hits my heart to the core...so I must write it on this blog. It's been pretty difficult for me lately, because it's getting lonelier and lonelier as I get closer to Him. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's because I'm coming to realize that following Christ requires for us to walk the narrow road. Although there are so many people around me, I find myself unable to find people who can truly understand and relate...

I found a kindred spirit while reading Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secrets. I was not only encouraged greatly, but challenged to continue on this trek up the narrow road:

...And how blessedly He did read me I can never never tell. It was like a continuation of some of my earlier experiences at home. My faith was not untried; it often, often failed, and I was so sorry and ashamed of the failure to trust such a Father. But Oh! I was learning to know Him. I would not even then have missed the trial. He became so near, so real, so intimate! The occasional difficulty about funds never came from an insufficient supply for personal needs, but in consequence of ministering to the wants of scores of the hungry and dying around us. And trials far more searching in other ways quite eclipsed these difficulties and being deeper brought forth in consequence richer fruits (87-88).

The "richer fruits" I doubt I'll be able to see when my eyes become focused on Him. Following Him is the reward in and of itself. The other blessings are just the icing on the cake...

Steph's Engagement Dinner

2005-12-07T19:53:00.000-05:00

Whoah...it's getting to be more real! We went to a really good (really expensive) Italian restaurant to celebrate Steph's engagement. Just family. It was a good time to share in their celebration. Here's the happy couple:

Crazy...

2005-11-23T23:25:00.000-05:00

So...my twin sister got engaged yesterday!!!

It's still pretty surreal for me. Knowing that my twin will be getting married, still hasn't hit me completely. If you know our past, we've been together through thick and thin...and though I'm joyful and happy for her, I can't help but feel a bit sad at the same time. It's difficult to fully verbalize what I'm feeling, because I don't know exactly how I'm feeling (sorry for not making any sense!). Growing up, we used to plan our weddings together and would imagine up all sorts of scenerios...now...it's becoming a reality...crazy...

We're all growing up...it's difficult for me to handle change, but it's inevitable. I'm remembering the book and movie, Little Women...I so can relate to Joe, in that she had a difficult time with change. I feel exactly the same way...I want everything to be the way they are! I know that things are bound to become different, but accepting the fact that we're all growing up is still so hard for me :(

I'm such a moaner...ugh!

YUCK!

2005-11-21T12:19:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling really "under the weather" these last couple of days. I think I caught something...(why didn't I get the flu shot?). Went to Mil Al church yesterday to listen to the India Mission Team's testimony and couldn't help but feel faint all day long. I felt like seriouly throwing up (even though I didn't eat anything). Sara was so helpful...she drove us home (I barely could keep my eyes open) and as soon as I got in the house, I collapsed on my bed. A couple of hours later, I had to jolt to the bathroom where I threw up 3 times...it was seriously gross. I felt so dizzy and sick... I hate it when I'm sick... I feel like I waste so much time!!!

I hope I don't throw up again :(

Mount Royal...

2005-11-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

Montreal was awesome...although I was a bit stressed trying to get my essay finished. I wish I gave myself more time to write the essay, but there's always never enough time, it seems...A little red wine and some french baguette does seem to help just a wee bit (j/k!)

Being at Montreal MissionFest was good overall, although it did seem like there were way too many organizations trying to "recruit" (if you know what I mean...) I hate the whole idea of recruiting and mobilizing. I'm not a fan of strategies (although I've been told that strategies can be a good thing...I'm not yet convinced). If you don't have your eyes focused on Christ, Missions can be just like a business. Heck! If our eyes are not continuously focused on Christ, Church will be a business...and some churches are!!!

As I looked down at St. Joseph's Cathedral, I was able to see the whole span of Montreal from a really high view...it was beautiful (as you can see!). Funny how Montreal and the province of Quebec has become a "mission" field in and of itself. Coming to Montreal to "mobilize" for people to serve as missionaries to East Asia, I saw more of a spiritual need in Montreal! The difference is that in Montreal, there's lots of opportunities to hear the gospel...whereas in many other places around the world, the opportunity just isn't there. Even if people's hearts are open and willing, what if the opportunity just isn't there? How are people supposed to respond when they don't have anything to respond to?

FINALLY!!!

2005-11-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

I finally got my essay finished! It was sooooooo stressful trying to get it done, while womaning a booth at the Montreal MissionFest and other busyness going on... Shannon has been soooooo patient and helpful (although shes been talking up a storm while Im trying to concentrate on finishing my essay). We met loads of people...lots of Francophones and recalling all the grade 9 French that I learned from Madame back in the NT days...

We got a chance to speak at a church here (I dont really know the name of the church..but the pastors name is Chris)...we talked about some of the things that Gods been doing in the midst of Asia and here in Canada. It was a multi-ethnic group and it was neat to see some familar faces (Hi Catherine!). I also got to meet Sammys friend Meji who was gracious and soooo nice :) Anywho...now I can enjoy some of the scenery in Montreal without worrying about the stupid essay that I had to wrap my head around...Although, I did learn quite a lot while writing it :)

Thanks to Shannon for staying up late with me, being patient at my crankiness and for being so supportive always!

NOTE: I cant seem to get the appostrophes working on this computer (were staying at a womans house who has an ancient computer...shes really cool, though...), so excuse the lack of appostrophes on this particular blog ;)

3 PM...

2005-11-02T23:08:00.000-05:00

It's just really neat to see God moving in the midst of all the busy-ness...

It's hard not to get too boggled down with things and let tasks overun your life. Coming home after school, I realized how much stuff that needed to get done (people to respond to, catering to different people's needs, etc.) that I had to just detach myself from the computer and just breathe...that was around 3pm.

Went out for dinner with our OMF diners' club (nickname that we thought up), got home and called up Hyal. I just wanted to tell her that I got a coupon for Aldo (15% off!)...we talked about our day and she seemed intently interested, so I told her the details (including the almost breakdown fest that I had earlier in the day). She kept saying..."whoah, that's crazy..." I had no idea why she was saying this over and over again. Apparently, she felt compelled to pray for me at exactly 3pm... the things that she prayed for (she wouldn't tell me what they were) was related to OMF ministry. I was blown away by how much God knows and how much He cares for my little stresses. Although there's so much suffering and crap going on in our world, I find it so amazing that He still has the time to make it known that He "has my back."

As you could read from my previous blogs, there's just so much complaining that I do throughout the day and it probably annoys many people (including the man upstairs!)...Even though I'm not the best person to use (well, who is anyway?!), He still chooses to show me that He cares for me and comforts me in ways that are inexplicable to the non-believer. How can I not be utterly compelled to live out my faith as a response to His goodness?!

India Mission Team Arrives!

2005-10-29T20:10:00.000-04:00

Talked briefly with Sammy and was so glad to hear that the team arrived safely back to Canada! I can't wait to hear all the stories and to hear of all that God did during their time overseas...Check out their website for more info :)

Papers...AHHH!

2005-10-29T15:10:00.000-04:00

I have two papers that I have to complete pretty soon. One is for my Old Testament class (on prophecy...AHHH!!!) and the other one is for Systematic Theo. It's pretty challenging to write on something that seems so out of my control. Since next weekend and the weekend after that will be packed with travels (Kingston then Montreal), I won't have any time to study and finish off these papers. I hate procrastinating (even though it seems unavoidable), so I'm trying to get my head around theological concepts this weekend. I'm learning so much at Seminary. It's interesting to hear your thoughts (that you always knew in your head, but never able to fully verbalize into words) come out through the mouths of professors. It's encouraging to hear Tyndale profs speaking on evangelicalism in the biblical sense rather than rationalizing and liberalizing (if that's even a word!) the gospels. BUT, being at Seminary has also raised more questions than anything...I can't seem to think "normally" anymore. Just between this blog and me...I despise pat answers (answers that sound right, but can be completely irrevelant). Growing up in the church all my life, I realize how much fakeness and shallowness that exists within the church walls (and I'm not talking about buildings here...). Let's get down to real and dirty side of who we really are and allow Christ to transform us from the inside to the out...because let's face it, we're all filthy beings who's mercifully been saved by JC. We're not good and we'll never be good on our own. It's only by the power of God that we can ever be good. Why bother faking christianity?! Let's not make Christianity into a mere religion!

Annoying Book...

2005-10-22T13:42:00.000-04:00

Have you ever read a book that just makes you really annoyed? Not annoyed in the bad and critical sense, but annoyed because it challenges you to change your ways and die to yourself? Jesus asked us not to attempt great things for Him, but to abide in Him. Reading Bonhoeffer's, Life Together, has made me cringe a lot...not because I disagree with his views, but because there are so many areas in my life that needs to be sanctified.

Being in the Christian bubble, I've come to a point (in my view) in my life where I feel like I'm in a good place...spiritual speaking. It's hard to consider yourself a wretched sinner when you're constantly attempting to abide in Him and serve His people...Bonhoeffer states that unless you consider yourself the worst of sinners (in comparison to others), you'll never be of genuine service to others

Thomas a Kempis states,

Never think that thou has made any progress till thou look upon thyself as inferior to all.

Ugh! So annoying...

Josh and Japan...

2005-10-19T00:21:00.000-04:00

Josh came in to the office today carrying a box of his mom's homemade cookies! Always trying to charm the crowd...

He and I were meeting up to go over some of the Serve Asia Quickplace stuff (a great resource for our short-term workers). It's soooooo much better to work in a team and brainstorm ideas together, rather than thinking alone. As we were meeting to discuss and be productive (he has dial-up at home, which has become such a pain when working on website creation)...we got talking about Japan (as usual). You see...Josh has been given the call to head out to Japan as a long-term missionary with OMF. Although he would give anything to go right this minute, he's developing a prayer and financial support base...which has been taking more time than initially expected. It's all in God's perfect timing I guess. Many people might say, "why would you financially support someone going to Japan?!" Japan is one of the most richest countries in the world, with high-tech stuff, materialism galore, etc. It's not exactly the shabbiest place to live (though space is tight). The cost of living in Tokyo is probably more expensive than living in most places in Canada...so why even support such a person? Though the country might have great material wealth, it is spiritually one of the darkest places. A Christian friend of mine was saying that right when he got out of the Tokyo airport, he started becoming really cranky and pissed off for no apparent reason. There's much light that's needed in this deprived country...

Another interesting aspect about this whole situation is that Josh is in a wheelchair. His calling is to help disabled people in Japan to come to know JC as Saviour and Lord. Though it's really not his task of converting anyone (we know whose job that is!), our main task is to share our faith as we know and have experienced it :) Check out his website.

You can be a part of missions in a very special way by being a part of Josh's ministry :)

Pic from JGCT

2005-10-09T20:00:00.000-04:00

It was such a challenge for me to share at the Japanese Gospel Church Youth Retreat, but it ended up being such a good time...for me! I don't know about the girls who were listening to what I had to say, but it definitely was a learning experience for me. I was encouraged by the maturity of the youth girls and God allowed me to mesh really well with them (having gone up for just that one session)...

Mr. AZ

2005-10-04T01:34:00.000-04:00

Sara got tickets for Steph and I (it was a birthday gift) to see Jason Mraz perform at the Koolhaus. It was overall a great show, but the opening act was a bit too long. The guy (Raoul something something) was uber talented, but he just dragged on and on...by the end of it, we were just bored. Anyways, it was a great time of sister-bonding and good music. It was pretty brutal standing the whole night...the concert started at 7pm, but by the time it ended, it was already 12am!!! I was dead tired (signs of old age?), but it was definitely an experience :) One cool thing that happened was that I made a friend. During the middle of it, my feet were just getting to be painful (standing the whole time, tiptoeing up to catch a bit of the hype), so I decided to go to the back of the concert hall and sit down for the last part of it. I found a seat towards the back at the bar and a girl came and sat next to me. She looked pretty tired from all that standing too. We exchanged looks and started to talk...it was pretty interesting. She also was getting away from the crowd (leaving her 8 friends up at the front). We talked for most of the night and it was pretty cool to meet a stranger who was so friendly. The place was packed with people of all ages (mostly younger), coming to see this guy perform... Prayed a quick prayer that many there would experience God just as they were experiencing the music...

Good friends...

2005-09-29T23:30:00.000-04:00

Shannon and Alicia picked me up to go out for a coffee session. I was having a really bad day and they sensed it...

They did cheer me up...not in the sense that they told me funny stories (though they did), or flattered me (though they did), or listened (though they did). What helped the most was that we were all going through similar struggles (some of us having gone through it already). It's almost a relief to feel "normal" and that you're never alone in your hardships :)

Re-examining motives...

2005-09-13T23:12:00.000-04:00

As I entered the halls of the Tyndale Seminary, I was excited yet nervous to be in an institution filled with people devoted to learning more about the Bible and its application to our society. Though I was genuinely excited to learn, I felt a bit weird to be in Seminary (if you know what I mean). I really felt that I needed to re-examine my motives in why I was there in the first place. Was it for status? Was it for that Masters degree? Was it for legitimacy? There must be people taking seminary courses for the sake of getting the ministry position of choice and/or getting people to take them seriously when teaching the Word (which can be seen as a true and good reason)...?

I was reading chapter 1 of Bolesch's, Essentials of Evangelical Theology(something that I'm required to read for Systematic Theology). I was encouraged to find that what I was reading rang true (deep in my heart). Good books are definitely a treasure!!! After reading this, I felt a sense of peace in knowing that I was in the right place:

Natural theology is reappearing in a new guise with the emphasis now not on proofs of the existence of God, but on the discovery of the divine ground of authentic humanity. Many of the theologies of experience today assume that femininity, blackness, liberation, secularity, hope, and so on, are in themselves revelatory, and, therefore, the biblical revelation is rendered superfluous. P.T. Forsyth gives this timely word of warning: 'A warm spirituality without the apostolic and evangelical substance may seem attractive to many--what is called undogmatic, or even unconscious, Christianity. It will specially appeal to the lay mind, in the pulpit and out. But it is death to a Church.

Gift of Walking?

2005-08-28T22:55:00.000-04:00

Saturday was a packed day full of activities. Sara and I started the day by going to the CNE with Mike, Susan, Steph and Dennis. It was so much fun! We ate at the food pavillion, browsed around the different displays of merchandise and played some games (Sara won a stuffed Homer and Bart Simpson dolls). After that, Sara and I headed to the India Mission team coffee house. It was a fund-raiser for the mission team and there were lots of people that came out to support the event. I walked into the almost-packed room and found my seat beside Hyal (we were supposed to meet up earlier to talk a bit on what's been happening with her, but traffic caused some delay). Sitting on my left side was Gideon, looking over at people happily while sipping his water. It was a neat event...there were lots of performances, skits, worship, auction, etc.. My favourite act was the guy who played the saxophone...he was awesome. A total Korean version of Kenny G! They ended the event with two praise songs...which I found to be appropriate, since everything is for Him. One of the songs had the lyrics "How great is our God." While this song was being performed, Gideon was singing especially loud...I was encouraged and prayed that I would get an opportunity to get to know him better. What you may not know about Gideon is that he has some deficiencies. He has Cerebral Palsy, debilitating him of some speech and hand movement. Anyways, the night was over and I headed to the washroom one last time before going home. I came out of the washroom and Sam came up to me asking if I had room in my car to drive one person home. I only had to take Sara, so of course I said "yes." He then asked whether it would be alright for me to drive Gideon home. From a room filled with so many people (many know Gideon better than me), I wouldn't normally be asked to do this. I knew then that God answered my prayer. In the car, I asked Gideon how he was spending his summer (a typical question that you ask someone to "break the ice"). Struggling to sound as clear as possible (it's still pretty difficult to make out what he's saying), he answered, "I've been walking." I was a bit confused by that and wondered what he meant. He explained to us that he walks from his house to church almost everyday. If you know where he lives and where the church is, you'll be shocked...If you know Toronto, he's walking from Bayview and Steeles to Don Mills and Eglinton! That's nearly 5 hours going and coming back! My initial reaction was, "why doesn't anyone give him a ride!" and I felt almost angry that he had to walk to church, because there was no ride. He explained further that he chose to do this in preparation for his mission trip to Albania this coming up January. He heard that there will be lots of walking during the mission trip and he wanted to prepare for that. You should've seen his eyes when he talked about going to Albania. He was using his ability to walk to glorify God. I thought to myself, how many of us use our many abilities to glorify God? We have been given so much...yet we waste them (often times) on things that seem so secondary. As C.S. Lewis once put it, "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." I've never made a mud pie in the slums or had holiday at the sea, but I'm guessing the latter option is better ;) Why settle for pleasing only ourselves when we'll find greater pleasure in satisfying Him?

Yay!

2005-08-22T11:21:00.000-04:00

I got an e-mail today from Tyndale Seminary outlining my acceptance into their Masters program!!! I'm excited to study (I know...I'm such a nerd!) and to engage in forming some background in my knowledge of the most important Book ever written :) Thank you for all for your prayers!

B-Day Celeb...

2005-08-16T17:05:00.000-04:00

My birthday this year was very interesting :) First of all, I almost forgot about my b-day...other people had to remind me. People all around me were asking, "so...what are you doing on your b-day?" Because I've been so busy (my fault for not saying NO!), I didn't have time to plan for it. But, it was good. On Saturday, I invited the "girls" over for a little get-together on the patio. Funny thing (well, not so funny)...our ignitor on the BBQ wasn't working, so I burned a piece of paper and decided to throw it in there...not knowing that I had the gas running pretty high on the grill. As soon as I touched the grill with the fire...well...you can guess what happened next. Yup. My arm hairs burned off. It was pretty scary.

It was good to have girl talk, chatting about guys, life, insecurities...you know...girl stuff. It was especially good to talk about what God's been doing in our lives. I love being used by Him!

Another highlight was the Sunday celeb. Some people from Milal decided to take me out for my b-day. I thought that it was going to be a small celebration, but it turned out to be pretty huge... I didn't even know a lot of them really well. When I got there, Sayah handed me a box (Books for Christ Label). I looked inside to see two books (one by one of my fav Christian author, Joe Stowell) and a DVD package of Ilumina. The Ilumina would be great for my Biblical Studies at Tyndale (if and when I get in). I'm thankful that God gave me such great friends to know exactly what I need :)

Stopped by Galleria (a Korean Mega Supermarket) for some delicious ice cream, bumped into a Chinese woman with the cutest dog named Lily and then went home. Left the house again to meet Alicia, Shannon and some of their churchmates at Milestones then headed off to pick up Melissa at the airport (she's the girl that went to Cambodia). It was a packed, but good day :)

Getting it Right

2005-08-04T08:36:00.000-04:00

The most important thing about who we are and what we do, is our relationship with God. During my devo this morning made me to realize that He cannot work if we have any self-sufficiency left in us...It sucks to say many times, but as Christians we are "not for our own cause at all, we are out for the cause of God, which can never be our cause." It almost sounds depressing if you really think about it.

Our world seems to be filled with people promoting a lifestyle that distorts the true intention of God's plan. It's funny, because we read about these things (promiscuity, gossip, idolatry, etc.) in the Bible and say to ourselves, "oh....that's bad..." and move on. When we're actually faced with situations and real people going through this, we wonder if we're being overly critical and/or judgemental and we rationalize to allow ourselves to "fit in to this world." We all know in our heads (even non-christians) that sex before marriage is wrong. But when we're faced with people who talk casually about it, we think to ourselves, "it must not be so wrong, if people all around me are so casual about it." Even people with the most upright conscience can rationalize to make themselves believe that how the world functions is how we should also.

Where in the World?

2005-07-29T10:27:00.000-04:00

My mind seems to be quite out-of-it these days. As I was car-pooling with my parents yesterday, we ended up arguing the whole way home. My mom has mentioned a number of times that I've been very critical at everything and everyone these days...I wasn't normally that way, but lately, I've become it. I don't like being a critical person and I can't quite understand why I'm acting this way. My mom and my sis both think it's because I've been exposed to the work of missionaries (humility, sacrifice, simple lifestyle) that when I come back to my own "world," I get disgusted by materialism surrounding me and feel critical at the luxurious state in which we live here. Since joining OMF, I feel as if I'm in a totally different world. Constantly being challenged by cultural differences and engaging with very different people has left me completely out of my comfort zone. I hate struggling through things, but it seems that I don't learn unless I go through it...God knows me so well...it's rather annoying.

Goodbyes...

2005-07-26T23:23:00.000-04:00

I woke up at 5am to pick up Melissa and to drive her to the airport. Mel is one of our short-term workers, who's leaving for Cambodia to do MK care and orphanage work. She was in my team from last summer and it's been encouraging to see her heart for Cambodia increasing. One comment she made during the United Live concert particularly stands out: "I don't know...My preference would be to work in Latin America or Jamaica somewhere...but for some odd reason, I feel drawn to Asia." I'll never forget that comment. It's been neat to hear how God has been moving in her heart and finding the right timing for her to go overseas. Some of the circumstances happening in her life at this very moment need to be sorted out with her not being here (hard to explain...long story). So cool that God has allowed her to go to Cambodia, providing for all of her needs and giving her Peace (notice the capitalization). Pray that God would reveal to her whether she should serve in Cambodia for a longer-term or serve in Canada.

Another goodbye to utter today was Jon's departure. If only I had words to describe the faith and passion this man has for God...Wow! Everytime he gets up to speak (or even in smaller settings), you could sense the power of God. Almost too intense, but you know after a "session" with Jon, your life is and will never be the same. Of course, it's not really Jon changing us, but still...God uses him particularly to speak into the lives of His people. Unexplainable. Jon, Marilyn, Katie, Emily and Bethany will be ministering in Singapore as Jon is taking on the role of International Director of Mobilization. Please pray that they'll feel competent in their new setting and role :)

Day of Prayer

2005-07-23T14:15:00.000-04:00

Prayer is a powerful thing. A few of us have been meeting faithfully every Saturdays (we've skipped only four Saturdays...I think) to pray for our church, our city, our country and for NK. We've been doing a 31-week prayer for NK, just finishing out 28th week this past Saturday. Lots of exciting things have been happening and God has been doing amazing things...we're just privilged to be a part of what God is doing :) After that, I headed downtown to join a prayer walk for the city of Toronto. We had a route and took our prayer request papers and just walked around the city, praying and interceding. Funny thing...I didn't want to be there...It wasn't that I didn't want to pray, but I just didn't want to show that I was praying (hope you know what I mean). We were joined by a bunch of people and it just felt like a planned thing that when we finished doing our prayer walk, we were just going to pat ourself on the back and feel good about how "good" we are (I know...I'm so critical!). As I walked, I prayed to God asking him to give me His heart and for the Holy Spirit to intercede as to pray exactly as how He would want me to pray. Amazing thing happened! I started to really pray...not the things that I could think of, but things that I didn't really know of, but felt convicted to pray for...So cool! The prayer walk took nearly 3 hours, but it felt so much shorter than it really was :) 2 Chronicles 7:14

Rockwood

2005-07-18T10:30:00.000-04:00

Went with Pastor Samuel to check out the Rockwood Conservation Park for our Youth tenting retreat (August 5-7). There's a couple of kids in our youth group (not going to mention any names...), worried about bathroom conditions, showers, etc. (wait 'til they go to Cambodia!), so we decided to check it out first. I was quite impressed. The site was small, but there seems to be lots of facilities. There's a cave, a hiking trail, a lake, mini-golf course and the best part...the washrooms looked very acceptable I think a certain someone will be pleased!
Preparing to coordinate for this tenting retreat (so many little details to take care of!), and since our church is so small, there's a lack of leaders, which makes it even more difficult for the few leaders existing. Small churches can be a difficult place :( Anyways, there was this gorgeous place that we discovered there. I'm guessing that there used to be a mill there (long time ago), but it's now just a beautiful spot (great place for reflection!)

If you have a chance, please pray for our tenting retreat! Our youth group has soooo much potential, but for some reason, it's been a difficult place for ministry. Pray for Pastor Samuel, Jonathan, Sara and myself who will be leading this retreat. We desperately need prayer!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly...

2005-07-16T23:00:00.000-04:00

It was my friend, Janet's b-day (July 5th) and since I couldn't celebrate with her on her real b-day, decided to take her out today for some delish Thai and gelato. We had a great time talking, joking, sharing together while eating out yummy food (I ordered the crispy beef, while Janet got the classic Pad Thai). We took pictures (which I was going to use for my blog), but as we were clicking away, people were staring at us like we were sooooo self-absorbed (which we probably looked like). If ever you want some good and affordable Thai food, check out Green Papaya:

That part of the night was good...

We decided to grab some fresh and very tasty gelato at this place around Eglinton and Bayview called, Hollywood Gelato (I highly recommend!). We were supposed to meet our friend Julie there, so we headed there right after dinner. Both of us were in good spirits, laughing and making fun of eachother like we usually do. Knowing that we were going to sit out on the patio, I decided to park at the side street, where I could keep my eye on my car (just in case anything happens). It didn't say anywhere on the road that I couldn't park there, so I did. Julie, Janet and I (hey, our names all start with "J" !!!), it started to get dark. My back was facing my car and at one point, I felt lots of lights behind me flashing and blinking. Curious...I turned around to see my car being lifted up by a tow truck and a policeman directing the whole thing...

That was the bad part...

I ran like mad to stop them from towing away my car. I yelled and waved my hands, bolting out of the patio like a crazy woman (got lots of stares). I reasoned with the cop and hoped he would extend some mercy on me. He said that there was a "no standing" sign (which was blocked by a "do not enter" sign) and said that there wasn't anything he could do. He said that if I pay the tow truck on the spot, I won't have my car towed. So, by the end of the night, I had to pay the tow truck and I got a city parking ticket (I'm gonna fight it!) on top of everything else. The worst part of it...the cop was extremely rude to me. He yelled at me and talked to me in the most condescending way. I was frustrated, because this totally wrecked my friends' b-day celeb. We were grateful, however, to not have the car towed away...(that would've been the worst disaster!). Ugly...just ugly...

A Day in the Life of a Quickplacer

2005-07-15T10:15:00.000-04:00

Ian flew in from the UK to set up Quickplace for us. Quickplace is like an online forum where people can post comments, be informed about upcoming events, chat, reminders, etc...the options and the benefits of this program seem to be endless! The best thing about Quickplace is that it's completely secure (unlike many web stuff these days...). So, people can post things about certain countries...ahem...I'm not going to mention which ones...and others can look and pray about some of the existing ministries that are going on in these "closed" places. It also allows the Serve Asia Workers to be connected to others that have had similar eye-opening experiences and be able to fuel the flame for Missions :) I was reading an article the other day about short-term missions and whether it induces lasting change in people. Here is what the article had to say:

"Students come down to Honduras for four months and we do our best, with God's help, to share our passion for creating a Honduras and a world more pleasing to God--more just, less poor, and filled with more people truly knowing and serving Him. We have seen many students change their majors and career goals based on their experience. I think the time here is very powerful for all of them. But then they return to the United States, to their busy life with friends, family, studies, a consumerist culture, and churches that do not often emphasize these issues. Their experiences have lent support to my belief that we all need and encouragement and accountability if we're to turn powerful experiences into lasting change. Two students may leave Honduras equally motivated and "changed," but the ones who returns to their old group of friends without staying in touch with their Honduras friends or joining a group with similar interests is unlikely to see much difference after a few months. The ones who stay in touch and get involved in a social justice or mission group on campus will often end up making even more radical changes than they talked about in Honduras. So I think the young person who does a short-term mission trip for only one or two weeks would need even more support in making sure those weaker impulses translate into action."

I know that this is a long article to read, but the content seems to ring so true in the world we are living in today. As an Alumni Coordinator for those returning back from the missions field, I feel that this online community that Quickplace will provide will be so crucial in developing encouragement and accountability to make their Serve Asia Trip lasting. It's very difficult, especially in this generation, for one to grow alone. There needs to be a sense of community, more importantly, a Christian community (online one will do!), in which there's honest discussions, prayer, joint focus on our Lord and a passion to serve His people in East Asia. What potential!

Praise and Prayer...

2005-07-14T22:23:00.000-04:00

There are lots of praise items to mention, but I don't want to bore you too much, so I'll just stick to a couple:

- We sent a Serve Asia Worker (Andy) to the urban poor community in the Philippines. He felt a burden for Christian and Christopher (not yet Christians), and asked us to pray on the homeside. God moved my heart to share Andy's burden in a conference in Ottawa, where over 100 Godly people prayed for Andy, Christian and Christopher. Three weeks later, Christian and Christopher accepted Christ as their Lord and Saviour! Too cool for words...

- 9 people were approved to serve as full-time OMF missionaries on July 10 and July 14. They will be working in Japan, Thailand, Cambodia, Indonnesia, China. They had rigorous cross-cultural training (2 weeks straight at Tyndale) and 1 week at OMF Candidate Course. Listening to each of their testimonies and how God has been leading and calling them to full-time missions has been a privilege to be a part of. Praise God for allowing the Candidate Council to display discernment in approving these workers.

Now for my personal prayer items...

- Listening ear for those returning back home from the field. They need proper debriefing from someone willing to listen and to ready to challenge. Please pray that I would be the person to help short-termers returning "home" to figure out what's next.

- Quickplace will be a crucial resource in providing encouragement and accountability for Serve Asia Alumni, as it will act as an online community. Pray that the set-up of this will go smoothly.

- I don't quite know where this desire to study the Bible has come from (ok, I have an inkling...), but I've decided to apply part-time to study at Tyndale. Since serving with OMF, I feel inadequate in my knowledge of the Word. Want to go, but don't have the funds...please pray that God would provide (if it is His will).

- Shannon and I will be leading a seminar on crossing cultures and culture-shock for the India mission team at Milal Church. Please pray that this would be a great time in preparing workers to cope with various culture-clashes.

- Serve Asia Alumni Retreat will be held in our Toronto Mission Home at Avenue Road from September 9~11, 2005. We will be covering sections on re-entry, coping mechanisms, accountability partnerships, intro to Quickplace, how to share your story, module presentations and much more. Please pray that I will be filled with the Spirit when I lead the many returning home.

If you want to get involved in Missions to East Asia (whether it be praying, sending, going, donating), don't hesitate in contacting me: jess.han@gmail.com

Mountain Clouds

2005-07-08T19:15:00.000-04:00

Reflections from Vancouver...

Shannon and I spent a week (June 29~July 6) in the beautiful city of Vancouver, to lead the Serve Asia Training for our workers departing to the field. We had a proposed schedule("structured spontaneity" as Shannon would say) for our time there: 1 day of preparation, 3 days of training, 1 day of meetings and 1 day of free-time. It was cool to finally meet up with Nick, Joel, Queenie, Simon, Lesley and Pamela (Serve Asia Workers) departing from the BC area. Getting to meet them after all that e-mail correspondence was a true blessing.

Meeting up with Lesley at Guu was an interesting experience. Being that it was a busy restaurant, we put our names down and waited at the Starbucks across the street. The guy in charge of seating came (40 minutes later) running to where we were sitting (patio of Starbucks), shouting my name across Robson! Anyways, we finally got our seats and listened as we ate our Beef Carpaggio (thanks for the suggestion, Esther!) to Lesley's journey with Serve Asia. She mentioned a Christian author...I forget his name now...who donated his signed books for her to take on her missions trip to distribute to her students in her country of service. The people over there apparently love his writings, so Lesley was pretty psyched about getting these to them.

Training was also a blessed time for both Shannon and I. It was cool, 'cause at one point, we were all in the kitchen doing the dishes (Shannon stacking the dirty dishes, Simon soaping, Queenie rinsing, Joel and Nick drying) and Nick turns to us and says, "Whoah, it's like we're family, eh?!" We looked at him and smiled. He then says, "it's so cool, because it feels like I've known you guys forever and it's only been 2 days." Cool. It's definitely the result of prayer :)

We dropped off the guys at the airport on the 3rd and they set off for their ministry in Thailand. I felt like a mom sending off their kids...All of them are so unique and precious. God is so cool that He gives us the amazing privilege of working with beautiful people. I sensed leadership and initiative in Nick; in Joel, I found creative media talent; and Simon had the playful heart to serve. What a good mix :) We then set off to have lunch with Queenie, who was a bit "under the weather," because her extension to study in Canada wasn't approved.

We met Pamela the next day at a local restaurant, White Spot in Abbotsford. We took care of some admin details and chatted for an hour about her passion for libraries and her missions to the Philippines. Looked at her scrapbook and prayed with her. Please pray for her younger sister.

The more memorable accomplishment was that Shannon and I finished...finished the Grous Grind. It took us approximately 2 hours (we took lots of breaks), but we finished it. Did I mention, we finished the Grous Grind? Man! It was pretty brutal, but definitely worthwhile. Felt like shouting: "I'm on top of the world!"

Look at how steep it was...

We took the cable car on the way down, because we were advised that it's far more dangerous to go downhill than going up.

We went home, washed up and went to Aberdeen Mall (picked up a gift for Dennis' family) and went over to have dinner with DK's fam. They were so cute...When Shannon and I got there, they were all peering out the window waiting to see if I arrived. We had dinner (huge plate of sashimi and steamed crab) and some white sparkly wine. It was delish. Shannon ate too much sashmi, which resulted in her moaning and groaning all night long :(

Set off early the next day to visit Granville Island (thanks again Esther!) for a couple of hours before heading to the airport back to T.O. Saw the Emily Carr Institute, visited cute shops and ate at the marketplace.

Whew! What a week!

One last pic of Vancouver...the Mountain Clouds:

Tamarack Cottage

2005-06-25T22:10:00.000-04:00

Day 2 @ Tamarack...

Started off the day with a headache...maybe the beds aren't as comfortable as I would've hoped. We went out (after a brief morning session assembling the Thomas Kinkade puzzle) for Bar Harbour. What beautiful weather, amazing scenery...the drive was absolutely amazing :) Mom and dad were so happy and I was happy that they were happy! We got off (parked the car by the docks) and walked around town. It was lovely. Mom bought her collectibles (spoons) and we strolled (w/ ice cream in our hands) , drove some more and ended up at a botanical garden of some sort. Stopped by the supermarket at Ellsworth then headed to the cottage.

Funny thing (well...not so funny), dad lost the keys to the cottage (both of them!). He claimed that he put them in his key chain and it must've fallen out somewhere. We were all freaking out. Here we were with groceries and since it was 4:30pm (we hadn't eaten lunch), we were stuck outside with hungry stomachs, giving dad dirty looks. Mom was fuming and I just felt bad for dad. The funny thing was my room (which is facing the entrance) window was slightly open. I remembered closing it this morning, after having opened it slightly the night before, because my room was so hot. Dad was hopeful as he tried opening it up more to see it a human body can fit there...Yup. It was big enough. I scraped a bit of my ankle, but we were able to get in! Mom was mad at me (can you believe that!) that I left my windown open and she was mad at dad for losing the keys. If you ask me, I think dad and I make a great team!!!

We finally got in and mom prepared sashmi/veggie rice meal, which was sooooooooo delish! We spent the rest of the evening eating, drinking, talking, watching T.V., and doing the puzzle.

My personal prayer: God, thank you for watching over our family. We are joyful to serve you and grateful that we're privileged enough to spend this time enjoying the beautiful, magnificent, awesome creation of nature. We're enjoying it and am amazed at your creativity. Thank you!

Travellers vs. Balconeers

2005-05-31T23:10:00.000-04:00

In A Preface to Christian Theology, John Mackay illustrated two kinds of interests in Christian things by picturing persons sitting on the high front balcony of a Spanish house watching travellers go by on the road below. The 'balconeers' can overhear the travellers' talk and chat with them; they may comment critically on the way that the travellers walk; or they may discuss questions about the road, how it can exist at all or lead anywhere, what might be seen from different points along it, and so forth; but they are onlookers, and their problems which, though they have their theoretical angle, are essentially practical--problems of the 'which-way-to-go' and 'how-to-make-it' type, problems which call not merely for comprehension but for decision and action too. Balconeers and travellers may think over the same area, yet their problems differ. Thus (for instance) in relation to evil, the balconeer's problem is to find a theoretical explanation of how evil can consist with God's sovereignty and goodness, but the traveller's problem is how to master evil and bring good out of it. Or again, in relation to sin, the balconeer asks whether racial sinfulness and personal perversity are really credible, while the traveller, knowing sin from within, asks what hope there is of deliverance. Or take the problem of the Godhead; while the balconeer is asking how one God can conceivably be three, what sort of unity three could have, and how three who make one can be persons, the traveller wants to know how to show proper honour, love and trust towards the three persons who are now together at work to bring him out of sin to glory. And so we might go on. Now this is a blog for travellers...or those who want to become one.